Canon Fodder

CHAPTER 420 WASTED

“I’m thinking something like- 

Suicide Squad 

We don’t wanna do the job. 

Ya it’s Suicide Squad 

We aren’t the ones you wanna call 

Ya it’s Suicide Squad 

If we fail we get blown up!

Then like a guitar solo or whatever,” I said. Each syllable in suicide was its own word which set the beat for our theme song. 

“Gotta admit,” Captain Boomerang said. “It’s kind of catchy. What about the intros for the characters?”

I thought for a moment trying to keep the same beat but ended up just speaking the intros. “You got Waller, whose the ball Buster.”

“Boomerang, who-uh shit,” he said, scratching his head as he thought. 

“Deadshot who only goes for the headshots,” I said, pointing at the black man across from me. He frowned but thought it over, giving me a thumbs up. “Count Vertigo who makes you stub your toe. Killer Croc whose skin will be made into crocs and sadly died off camera.” A few nodded sadly as if they had some sort of emotional attachment to him. “Flag whose names sounds a lot like-“

“That’s enough,” Rick Flag cut in. The guy was nervous like most everyone was. 

“Oh come on. What about me?” June asked. Smiling wide at me from behind her glasses. 

“Hmm you got Juney, who is also the Enchantress, that we all want to see in a sundress.”

“Boo,” Boomerang said as June rolled her eyes. “I’m thinking more like Mooney whose phases you don’t want to see.”

“I like, got one for you yet?” I asked. 

“Boomerang who has a lot of…”

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“Room for improvement,” June said. 

“Oy, I’m sorry I’m not exactly musically inclined. You got a better idea?”

“Captain B, who sucks at…laundry?” She tried.

“See, not so easy,” he said, showing his gold teeth in a crooked smile. 

“Can’t forget the newbie.” I looked over to the girl with blue hair. “Frost who will freeze your balls off.”

“We are here,” the pilot said. Most everyone looked out the windows of the helicopter. It was military grade, so it was long with plenty of cargo room. I opted to walk up near the pilots. 

Straight ahead the sky was dark. Way darker than it should have been for noon. Black clouds just in front of us, the clouds and sky to the right and left were clear as day. Making it feel all the creepier as we flew into danger. Like going straight into the eye of a storm this wasn’t going to be easy. 

“What the fuck is in Kansas?” Deadshot asked from the back. 

“It’s the middle of nowhere,” I said, but more likely Superman needed to do this near his home. His human home of Smallville, Kansas. Or at least that was how the story went. 

Waller and her people hadn’t been able to locate the Super friends. But when the sky over Kansas started to get dark, and a bunch of energy signatures began being expelled from the middle of nowhere, it wasn’t that hard to figure out. We flew directly there from the New York area and were preparing for the showdown with the strongest being on the planet. 

“Suit up, people,” Flag yelled. Everyone began to scramble. Showing off their gear and weapons. Deadshot put on a very showy strapped concoction with a bunch of holsters and pockets. Count Vertigo put on his weird mesmerizing cape. Boomerang put on his brown jacket. I threw up the hood for my hoodie. Touching each Watanabe heart. 

So long with the hoodie and black pants I had named each heart. Toru, Reina, Hina, Hinata, Shinju, Nejire, Hancock, and many more. We all went through our own little rituals. Some praying, others kissing weapons. 

When they were done, the helicopter began to descend. I looked to the others and began nodding to the beat of my song. 

“Suicide Squad 

We don’t wanna do the job.” As I started the second verse, June and Boomerang joined in. 

“Ya it’s Suicide Squad 

We aren’t the ones you wanna call.” Finally everyone but Flag joined in. 

“Ya it’s Suicide Squad 

If we fail we get blown up!”

“You morbid dumbasses,” Flag said, shaking his head but he did feel a sense of hopefulness in his Haki. The helicopter lurched as its wheels struck the ground. The back opening we ran out one after the other. As soon as we were out the helicopter lifted off. 

I had expected another helicopter with real soldiers to follow us. But then again we were on American soil, and this was Earth’s sweetheart, Superman. Maybe they didn’t believe the BS they were spouting. Or they were preparing to nuke the place if we failed. 

“Let’s move it, people,” Flag said as he pointed to the source of the darkening in the sky. 

The wind roaring in my ears I turned to see a huge barn ahead. The barn itself was red with a white roof, but everything around it was dark. As if god cast a shadow on just this place. 

“Everyone clear on the plan?” Waller asked from our earpieces.

“Besides get murdered by the power couple? Yep,” Deadshot said. 

It wasn’t like there was much of a plan anyway. Since no one there was a match for Superman. We were just supposed to sneak in, steal the kryptonite back to thwart their plans and escape. Or blow it up and escape. But I really doubted any of those would happen. We were lucky we landed safely which meant Superman was allowing us to get close. My guess was we were too late. 

A loud whirring noise sounded from the red barn ahead. The darkening aura of the area only grew more dim as the light was sucked out from around us. 

“Move it, people,” Flag said. There were no jokes for now. Walking on dead grass toward the barn the area was completely flat. Gusts of wind pelting us the air became colder with each step. Before I knew it my teeth were chattering. I forced them to stop. 

Extending my Haki out as far forward as I could there was nothing discernible. So much energy around the barn it was like trying to peek past the sun. Growing nervous that I was wrong and Superman was trying to mess up the planet we sped up. 

Guns in hand, Flag had an experimental plasma rifle that was top of the line. It had the potential to slow the Superman down but wouldn’t kill. We got to the barn and a moo sounded, making people jump. 

“Jesus,” Boomerang said, threatening the cow with his weapon of choice. “Fuck off you milky cunt!”

“Can you not fucking announce us?” Flag hissed but moved to the 2x4 of a lock for the barn door. He eyed each of us in turn. Counting down from 3 he opened at 1. As he did the barn door burst open and we were greeted by the prize milkers.

“Sorry,” Supergirl said. Her chest pushed out as her fists were at her hips. “I can’t let you-“ she stopped as Flag began to fire at her. The plasma rifle shot off a loud round, white streaked to her and hit Supergirl’s shoulder which barely made her flinch. The round bounced off of her striking the barn and causing a large hole in it. 

“That’s not nice,” she said and was on him. He yelled out as he pulled his handgun and tried to fire at her. She gripped the barrel, crushing it and threw him a few dozen feet away. She turned to us. 

I stepped up. “We are Jehovas Minions. We go door to door asking if people would be interested in some willing henchmen?” I asked. “I wouldn’t mind serving under such a beautiful-“

“Weston!” Waller yelled in my ear. 

“If you can’t beat em, Waller, join em,” I said with a smile. “Count Menopause!”

“It’s Vertigo!” The older man yelled but opened his cloak. We didn’t even have to look at it. The wave of dizziness hit Supergirl and I, hard. I thought it was just a little bout of it to throw you off balance but I immediately felt drunk. Before I knew it I was falling to the ground. 

Shaking my head I looked around as the others ran into the barn to see what was going on. Supergirl wasn’t anywhere to be seen but as my head cleared I caught sight of Vertigo flashing his cloak at a stumbling blonde girl. I assumed that she threw herself away and was too dizzy to make her way back. Super strength wasn’t helping her as she pushed off the ground and landed farther away from the barn.  

Grumbling, I struggled to my feet. Shaking my head I took a step and fell to my side again. “I’m wasted,” I mumbled. Laughing slightly as if I was actually drunk. Shaking my head again to try to get my bearings I pushed up and began scrambling to the wide open barn doors. 

Once inside I heard yelling but my vision was too blurry. I couldn’t make out any shapes at all. Slowly regaining some control on my balance I reminded myself not to piss off Vertigo. Cycling Spiritual energy through my body I coated myself in Nen as well. 

Then I remembered my Sparks. Able to tell bodies what to do I zapped myself. The pain cleared my mind and I was getting better control of everything. Shooting Sparks into my brain I told it to right itself. That didn’t work but it didn’t matter anymore, I could make out everything around me. 

First of all the barn was hollow. Inside, the main floor dropped down to lower levels where a spaceship sat upright. Black mist billowed around and out the top of the ship causing the darkening in the sky. 

“Not good,” I mumbled as I moved to the edge of the main floor. No railing there, I saw Superman at the bottom, working controls. The controls looked like long crystals. Doing his best to ignore everything else, the Suicide Squad members were firing guns at him. All to distract him from Deadshot heading to the cluster of kryptonite at the base of the controls. 

“Powergirl!” Superman yelled. Unable to turn from the controls. It took a moment but the woman swooped in. Slightly drunk still she dropped down and grabbed Deadshot. The man flipped her off as she lifted him like a stuck pig by a foot. As he did he dropped a case of dynamite right onto the kryptonite. 

I cursed, using Timeflow I couldn’t hesitate anymore. Pushing my power to the max I flew straight down past Powergirl and punched the air. A Rift to my subspace formed as I grabbed the bag of explosives. Tossing it inside my subspace I closed the Rift as my pirate booty was hit by the dynamite. 

Time sped back up to normal as I yelled. “You better be worth this!” I yelled at Superman. He stared at me surprised for a moment, but nodded. 

“It’s almost open!” He yelled, a smile on his face as his Haki radiated pure joy. 

“Weston! What the fuck?!” Boomerang yelled at me. 

“Sorry guys,” I said. “I’m kind of done being the bad guy. By the way. Fuck you, Waller.” I smiled and my heart nearly exploded. 

I say nearly exploded because I covered it and the bomb in Nen. Or at least tried to. Turns out zapping the explosive planted in my chest didn’t destroy it. Either way a big chunk of my chest was blown out. It hurt like hell, but I’d been through a lot worse. Cursing, I fell to the ground and pretended to die like a B-movie villain. 

Clutching my chest I asked, “why?” In a raspy voice and laid on the ground. Closing my eyes as I used my Spark to speed up my healing. I watched everything around me with my Haki. 

Most of the Suicide Squad was stunned. Especially Boomerang who was more heartbroken than I thought he would be. Even Deadshot was a little sad as he dangled from the Powergirl’s hand. 

Thanks to the reminder that they were all at risk of being exploded, they started fighting again. June turned into the Enchantress. Pink smoke shot out of her toward Superman and the blonde bombshell. Deadshot began shooting Powergirl in the head though it was still pointless. 

She shot up and threw Boomerang and Deadshot away but Flag came back in. Shooting at her with his fancy rifle. Vertigo opened his cloak like a flasher, hitting Superman as he worked the controls of the crystal whatever. The big man grunted and almost fell but kept upright. His gaze landed on Vertigo. His eyes turned red as his laser vision singed into the cloak and hit the old villain. Vertigo cried out in pain and fell back. 

All the while the Enchantress was flying around the room. Shooting pink beams at the kryptonite and the ship in the middle of the room. 

“It’s a-almost done!” Superman yelled. His Haki feeling better and better, like he was finally finishing a long quest. A lifelong one. It was very distinct and I’d only felt it once before, when the version of me in Returner’s Magic killed the dragon. 

“Fire in the hole!” Flag yelled as he threw another bag of bombs. My Haki said no one was close so I zapped it with my Spark, causing it to explode far up. 

Shrapnel shot out, hitting people all around and causing them to drop back. Smoke billowed out everywhere. The energy in the room skyrocketed, and it all turned black around me.