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Chapter 150: I wouldnt have turned out like this.
Chapter 150: I wouldnt have turned out like this.
And then the scenes continued to change rapidly.
My own home. It was unbelievable, but there was Niihama-kun visiting.
When I brought him home, Father had shown a strong reaction to my male friend. However, somehow, Niihama-kun managed to gain a certain level of trust from Father. And so, I invited him to my room for a tea party, wearing a contented smile.
The sports festival. I, who should have had minimal interaction with the other girls, was exchanging many words with them during practice. Even after we lost due to my mistake, they offered kind words like, Its okay! It was quite fun! Let the boys take over! This scene, too, Im certain its not in my memories.
The summer sea, shimmering under the blazing sun. I wore a swimsuit that I believed I had chosen, and I reveled in the summer sea with many friends. Here, all of my ideal youth was condensed.
Summer vacation, a scorching sun over the wide sea. Intimate friends with whom I could talk without reservation. Together with everyone, there was a blissful time of savoring only the joy.
What is this?
The scenes shifting one after another were all things I didnt know. Moreover, they were cruelly real, not vague desires.
Everything was different, like a parallel world from a science fiction novel. The most significant difference at the center was the presence of Niihama-kun.
The Niihama-kun, who should have had a quiet personality, had become unbelievably strong in this dream. He always helped me. Encouraging me when I was down, teaching me, realizing the cultural festival I envisioned, inviting me to the sea
Why
My voice, spilling out, was trembling. Uncontainable emotions were swirling in my chest, bubbling up.
And then, another scene transition.
I finally started calling him Shinichiro-kun with his first name. He, too, started calling me Haruka by my first name. Blushing with embarrassment, I smiled happily.
Why!
And then, another scene transition.
I who had started a part-time job was deepening my confidence by working with adults. The time spent with Niihama-kun, who praised me, seemed very enjoyable My world was approaching a seamless perfection without any gaps.
In every scene of this world, which felt like my delusion, I was smiling. It was evident in that expression that being with friends was enjoyable, pleasurable, and comforting. Especially, when I was with Niihama-kun, there was a faint warmth of contentment, which particularly filled me.
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Why Why are you showing me something so beautiful!!
Without realizing it, I had returned to the initial scenethe library. I shouted at the dream that was too harsh.
What is this! I! I wouldnt have turned out like this!!
To openly express fury towards my own dream was, even for myself, somewhat absurd. However, the wail born in my chest wouldnt disappear.
Why are you showing me such an overly convenient delusion!
Yes, indeed. As you say
What!?
Startled, I turned around at the voice from behind me. There stood the teenage me clad in a school uniform.
It was Shinichirou-kun who changed my everyday life. It was as if God arranged it One day, he appeared to save me.'
In those eyes that gazed directly at me, there was a clear determination, and I intuitively understood that this wasnt a creation of my memories.
Finally, things are becoming clear. Just like Shinichiro-kun earlier, the adult me in front of me now isnt a dream, but a reality
From my current perspective, the words of this girl, who could be described as almost childlike, didnt make much sense. However, her gaze directed towards me seemed full of pain.
It was as if the very existence of me was, in a sense, profoundly sad.
You in a way, youre my ideal. No matter how tough things got, even from the perspective of the child I used to be, I think what youve managed to do is amazing. But
With an innocent appearance, I continued with a hesitant voice.
The smile has disappeared from your face, now that youve become a capable adult.
!
What why is she suddenly appearing and saying such things!
So please. Believe in Shinichiro-kun, who is trying to save you, and listen to his words. Denying everything about your life until now is really painful but if youre not happy now, you need to reach out.
Her words stirred up even more fury within me.
This me and I are clearly entirely different beings. I cant believe shed say something like that
What is that! I dont need salvation! I mustnt be saved!
Desperately, I shouted so as not to be denied. Just being saved by others and indulging in peace is nothing more than being a mere child!
Someone like you! I must be a presence that denies you! To be conveniently saved by someone whos just kind and strong!
If I were to be saved, I must bring it about with my own hands. If I were to accept someone elses help then the value of my existence would truly diminish.
Yes, its true that maybe Ive been saved by others a lot. But! Theres absolutely nothing wrong with being saved!
With a strength incomparable to when I was in high school, I declared her intentions without flinching at my shouted words.
Besides, for us, who are full of flaws, trying to save everything about ourselves on our own is impossible! No, not just us, almost everyone is like that! So, anyone would rely on someone close to them to compliment themselves!
With the purity of a child, I conveyed strong words filled with conviction.
It might be awfully cheeky of me to butt in without knowing the suffering youve been through! But!
With her emotions laid bare, I shouted, as if pleading.
The future you idealized probably wasnt like this, right!?
!
Her words struck deep within my chest. In this space where the heart was laid bare, it felt as if I was being pierced deep inside.
I am
Trying to say something in response to the words filled with such pure and strong conviction
I realized that the scenery around me was gradually losing its form.
Apparently, this extraordinarily strange dream seemed to be coming to an end.
Please please, understand Shinichirou-kuns feelings.
As everything in the dream began to unravel and fade away, I continued to speak.
Not for the me you dont know, but for the you who is undeniably alive right now.
Finally, I heard her voice like that
And I understood that I was emerging from the world of dreams into reality.