I was Betrayed then Reincarnated as a Kitsune

Chapter 172: Introspection

[Luna POV]

After sitting for a while and calming down, I started to think over what just happened.

What was up with me?  Im not usually like that and I know that he didnt mean to do anything like that either.

I placed my head in my hands as I continued to think.

Do you know why I suddenly lost myself like that Tamamo?

{In this case, its just how beastkin are.  They have strong ties to people they consider family and if they see someone like that get hurt, they usually lose themselves in rage like that.}

Oh.

{Just be happy that you managed to stay rational enough to hold back.}

Hmm.

My shoulders, ears and tail slumped as I was feeling awful about what I did.  I then felt someones hand on my shoulder and looked up to see Soleil looking at me.

Its alright, big sis. (Soleil)

Just then, Leonhardt came up to us.

I would like to apologize.  I lost myself in the moment and did something that I shouldnt have. (Leonhardt)

He looked at Soleil and bowed his head.  Seeing that, Soleil was getting flustered, so I spoke up.

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I would also like to apologize.  I lost myself completely. (Luna)

Its fine.  Youre young and probably havent encountered many situations like that, so its understandable that youd lose yourself the way you did. (Leonhardt)

You say that, but it doesnt make me feel any better about it.  If Skadi wasnt here, I dont know if I would have been able to stop myself. (Luna)

Theres no use in thinking like that, Luna.  I was here, and I did stop you.  Dont trouble yourself with things that wont happen. (Skadi)

Shes right.  Whats happened has happened, what could have happened didnt.  Move on. (Damon)

Alright. (Luna)

I then stood up and offered my hand to Leonhardt.  He took it and we shook.

With this, all things are forgiven. (Leonhardt)

Right. (Luna)

Leonhardt then offered his hand to Soleil, who timidly took it.  Once this little event was over, we went our separate ways.  My group teleported to my island.

Whyd we come here? (Velvet)

I need time to think about things.  Im sorry if the rest of you had other ideas about how to spend the day. (Luna)

Master. (Ophidia)

Ophidia, let her do what she wants. (Skadi)

But- (Ophidia)

Its fine, Ophidia.  Let her figure things out on her own, if she wants our help, shell ask. (Skadi)

*Sigh* Alright. (Ophidia)

What Skadi said is right, Luna.  If you want to talk with us, well be here. (Velvet)

I just nodded my head, and they went inside the mansion.  I breathed in a deep breath and let out a long sigh before teleporting myself to the tree.  I sat down next to the trunk and placed my face in my hands.  Several thoughts ran through my head as I looked back over what happened earlier.

I know what they said earlier, but it still bothers me.  I cant not think about what could have happened.  I mean, I really would have killed him.  Its not like I havent killed people before, but this time was different.  He didnt mean to do any harm, but that didnt matter to me.

I leaned back and looked up.  I could feel tears running down my cheeks.

I feel disgusted by myself.  I know I should be better than this, but I just couldnt stop.

I sat there, crying at the horrible feeling in my chest.

{Luna.}

Tamamo.  What do I do?  I-I dont know what Im supposed to do about this.

{Set up a domain, let me be there with you for a bit.}

I did as she said, and she instantly appeared next to me.  She sat down and moved me so that my head was resting in her lap.

{Luna.  What happened earlier, while I wont say it wasnt partially your fault, was something that you couldnt avoid.  You are young, you are inexperienced in a lot of things, your nature as a beastkin one of them.  You will learn to control things like that in the future as you grow.}

But Tamamo, I should know better!  This isnt my first life, remember!

{I know, but your last life was cut short.  Even back then, you were young and didnt have that much life experience.  It doesnt matter how long your soul has lived, you are you, and you are young.  You are strong, so you havent faced much hardship.  In most cases that is a good thing, but at times like these, it is a hinderance.  There is no need to torture yourself on things that didnt happen.  Yes, you got lost in rage, but did you kill your opponent?  No, you didnt.  I said it earlier, you were rational enough to hold back.  Skadi was also there, and she stopped you.}

Tamamo started running her hand through my hair as I continued to cry.

I get that Tamamo, but why doesnt it make me feel better?  Why doesnt this guilty feeling go away?

{Thats because of your personality, Luna.  You understand what you did wrong, and you accept that, but you also latch onto the what-ifs.  While I cant change that part of you, I will sit here and listen to you for as long as you need.  Cry, scream, vent, do what you have to do to, just let it out.  I am here for you; the others are here for you.}

Hearing her words, my eyes started to overflow, and I started sobbing.  I dont know how long I was like that, but at one point I fell asleep.  When I woke up, my head was still in Tamamos lap.  She looked down at me and smiled.

{Are you feeling better now?}

Yes.

{Thats good.}

I tried to sit up, but Tamamo stopped me by bringing me into a hug.

{Luna, things like this happen.  Learn from it, if it happens again in the future, you can better handle it.  While I hope that you dont have to experience this again, you most likely will.  Its all a part of living, especially since we will live for a long time.  Confide in me.  Confide in the others.  We are here for you.}

I didnt say anything and just tightened my arms around Tamamo.  We stayed like that for several minutes before separating.

{Go to the mansion, talk to the others, after that, go to sleep.  When you wake up in the morning, you will feel refreshed.}

AlrightTamamo, thank you.

{No thanks are needed, its my job as your wife to help you with things like this.  I am and always will be here for you.}

I smiled and hugged her again.  We then stood up and Tamamo waved at me before disappearing in a flash of light.  I dissolved the domain and went to the mansion.  When I got there, everyone was sitting in the main living room.  When they saw me, they beckoned me to sit down and I did.  We discussed everything and, after a long time of talking, we all went to bed.  When I laid down, drowsiness took over and I fell asleep.

Chaos Realm:

Atmos:...

...

Atmos: Tamamo is really good at that.

Indeed.

Atmos:... I'm going to go home for a bit, call me over the next time something happens.

Alright.