Losing My Religion

Chapter 6

You’d think that by the third time this had happened I would have a better response than awkward silence.

Of course you’d be wrong; to prepare for it would be admitting it would happen again, a practical concession my pride wouldn’t let me take.

“Hi, Sophia,” I waved at her, hoping to get this over with and somehow trusting that she wouldn’t react poorly, at least not worse than Amber did.

“You’re…” 

“Call me Lily when I’m like this, but yea… I’m the same person,” I sat up and shrugged, feeling less tired in this form. “I was a human for twenty years and then went off to college… You know how it is.”

She nodded slowly. “Yea, I guess. I found out that I'm gay… you found out you’re a succubus… same thing.” Her eyes traced down my exposed skin.

The budding realization that a lesbian found me attractive was oddly euphoric, a very different feeling from finding out Chris had found me attractive in my other body. 

I do need to feed…

“Uh, so, I’m not sick… but I am low on energy…”

She backed off the bed and stood.

I panicked, thinking she was going to run away. “Wait–” I cut myself off when I realized that she was throwing her clothes off. 

She joined me on the bed again, pressing our bodies together and bringing her lips down to meet mine. She kissed a bit like Amber, with a self-assured confidence, but Sophia was much more daring than Amber had ever been.

Her tongue immediately gained access to my mouth, causing me to moan as the intimacy brought a rush of energy and arousal. Our lips danced together as I joined in, meeting her tongue with mine. 

Sophia held my mouth open with a thumb hooked around my lower front teeth and licked the length of each of my four fangs – which I hadn’t noticed I had, nor noticed their sensitivity – and then moved her mouth down to kiss, bite, and lick her way down my neck. She rubbed the base of my stubby horns with her fingers, a relief more similar to a scalp massage than something erotic.

I hissed and moaned, blocked from covering my mouth by Sophia’s arm. My hands drifted down instead, looking for an outlet to express my feelings, and landed on her hips, one sliding around the back to knead her rear, and the other stroking up and down her stomach, changing directions at the top of her trimmed public hair and the bottom of her chest.

She’d been on her side, leaned partially over me, but as her mouth moved to my chest, she shifted to being completely on top of me, her hips between my legs. My legs wrapped around her back instinctually when she began licking my chest, swirling her tongue around my stiff nipples. I let out a long moan, completely overwhelmed with a kind of pleasure I’d never thought I’d feel.

Wetness pooled between my legs, fueled by the pleasure radiating out from my chest, the feeling of her soft skin of her body against mine, the building energy I was harvesting, and the feeling of being so feminine.

Without conscious control from me, my tail came between my legs to brush my own slick folds and after a few short strokes, my body seized up, pleasure rolling through me in a singular devastating wave. I rode it out, twitching and moaning without control, stars dancing across my vision.

While I was having my experience, Sophia was climbing over me to line her hips up with my mouth. Without preamble, she pressed herself into my blissed out face, coating my exposed tongue with her tangy wetness. 

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I licked, chasing the energy still building in me – I hadn’t found a limit on how much I could store yet, if there was one.

She hummed in satisfaction, ending the silence she’d held since before she’d taken off her clothes. “God, you’re such a good little slut, lick my cunt.”

I blushed, her words making me more embarrassed than our actions. I debated stopping to tell her off, but the prospect of getting this much energy was too enticing, so I kept licking like an obedient slut. My hands were on her back, pressing her further into my mouth, and my tail continued stroking between my legs, slowly building my own pleasure.

By the time she finished and fell over to lay next to me, my tail had ballooned my own euphoria into another crest, making me whine into Sophia’s mouth as she slowly kissed me.

As my pleasure winded down, the dread started to set in. That doesn’t count as having sex, right? 

What even counts as losing your virginity between two girls? Besides, even if it did count, it would be Lily’s virginity, not mine…

I snuggled into Sophia’s shoulder as she wrapped one arm around me and used the other to stroke the top of my head, ignoring the feeling that I should transform as soon as possible, but that I really, really didn’t want to.

—

I whined, trying to cling to Sophia’s body as she extracted herself from my bed and got dressed.

She giggled, “Don’t worry, Lily, we can do this again next week.” 

I sighed and reluctantly transformed back, wanting to at least escort her to the door. I didn’t comment on the prospect of a repeat next week, given that I still felt conflicted about the experience. 

It was euphoric and soothing and amazing and orgasmic, but what if that’s just the temptation? Surely the reason it feels so good is because I'll be punished for doing it, right?

We strode out into the living room and she turned around at the door, placing a soft kiss on my lips.

I froze.

She spoke, responding to my blank stare, “I feel fine kissing you like that now that I know there’s a girl inside.” She gave me a sly smile and then left, unaware of the effect her words had on me.

‘There’s a girl inside…’

Is there a girl inside me? That’s the form that I can shift easiest to, the one that takes the least effort, but isn’t that just the trick, the demon in me trying to get me to sin?

My thoughts were cut off by my roommate clearing his throat behind me.

Evan, the man I shared my living space with, was not the kind of person I got along with. It was my impression that he attended parties more often than he attended class, he smoked marijuana all of the time, making our room smell terrible, and he was effortlessly attractive in a way that annoyed me. Someone that parties all of the time should not be that fit…

He had shaggy dirty-blonde hair, piercing blue eyes, and the body of an underwear model. Every time I saw him my chest burned with jealousy and irritation.

He raised an eyebrow at me. “Dude, can you keep it down next time? I mean, kudos to you that your girlfriend was screaming like that but…” He shrugged.

My cheeks burned and my eyes closed. “I’ll keep it in mind… And she’s not my girlfriend,” I corrected, opting to avoid mentioning that it was me doing the screaming.

He nodded approvingly. “Damn, man, I thought you were some kind of prude but…” He glanced up and down my body, “If you ever want to hang at a party with me, hit me up.” He returned to his room with a nod, leaving me to stew in my embarrassment.

The one time I do something morally questionable, and he’s the one that’s there? There couldn’t be a worse punishment…

—

Going to class after giving in to Sophia seemed like a dreadful prospect Sunday night and Monday morning, but the reality of it was disquietingly mundane. 

Contrary to my expectations, my urges had decreased, including my arousal, making it much easier to pay attention – not that it was easy to pay attention in my business classes. 

It made sense from the perspective of Chris’ theory that I was just a succubus – the fact that I fed a lot meant I wasn’t as hungry anymore – but the experience made less sense from my perspective – the fact that sinning made more sin less appealing.

But that fact made me want to do it again, because the perceived risk was low, so in the end I  was being tempted?

The whole thing made my head swim, and I avoided Chris as much as I could, not wanting to admit what had happened on Sunday, and the implications of everything that followed. 

What would it mean if all of my discipline, the hard fought denials of masturbation and other worldly pleasures, if all of that was for nothing? It couldn’t mean nothing; my suffering had to serve some kind of purpose.

That was the attitude I took into my classes, especially my business classes. The professors droned, I scribbled down notes, rinse and repeat. It would mean something when I graduated; a more enjoyable major would be a less useful one.

I also ignored the question Sophia had implicitly left me with, the question of the woman inside me. She was Lily, and Lily was not me – not in a spiritual sense, not in a literal sense, not at all.

Everything was going well until Amber talked to me while I was eating lunch on Tuesday.

It was the one week every fall where it was truly pleasant outside, when the lingering heat from the summer suddenly faded and the frost of winter hadn’t quite set in. I’d gotten a sandwich to-go on campus, and sat out in one of the grassy fields, under the shade of a tree older than my earliest named ancestors. 

Amber approached from the side, the sight in the corner of my eye not noteworthy until she stood still next to me and spoke, “Hey, Adam, how are you doing?”

I flinched at the name – although I heard it during roll call in some classes, it had been a bit since I’d heard it so directly. 

I shrugged to answer her question; she was nearly the last person I would want to tell about what I’d done.

She sat down next to me, undeterred by my silence. “So I consulted my–” she cleared her throat, “I looked it up, and succubi need to feed every so often or they’ll die.”

I continued eating, annoyed that even after only seeing me once, she’d immediately figured out I was a succubus – or at least that Lily was one. Am I the last person to figure out my own identity?

“So, if you need help finding someone to…” she cleared her throat, “Well, I don’t want you to starve to death…” She blushed and turned away.

“I’m not hungry,” I finally responded, hoping the statement was vague enough to not give anything away.

She pulled a creased sheet of line paper out of her back pocket and started unfolding it, revealing long lines of math in black pen. Her brow furrowed, staring at her work. “I did the math, and even if you’d only shapeshifted once and hadn’t used any of your other magic, you’d be noticeably low on energy by now…”

Why does she need to be so insistent about this… I mean, it’s nice that she’s concerned, but I have it handled… 

I turned away to wipe the crumbs off of my mouth, hiding my blush in the process. “It’s possible to feed on things other than sex.” 

“Oh, that’s true, but…” her voice turned disappointed and she frowned, “I thought…” 

She stood, hastily folding up her paper again. “Well, since you’ve got everything handled already, I’ll just be on my way.”

“Amber, I’m s–” I turned in her direction, but she’d already vanished.

Amber, I’m sorry for blaming you.