Losing My Religion

Chapter 7

Midterms. 

It wasn’t quite the middle of the term anymore, a mark that had passed sometime in the previous two weeks depending on where you put the start and end dates, but regardless, it was time for the first real tests of my college career. Academic tests, that was; I’d already had – and failed – more moral tests than I’d care to list.

Despite how poorly I’d been doing on the homework, Chemistry was one of the few classes I was confident about; once I’d gone to office hours I’d understood the assignments much better. 

My other general education class wasn’t even worth mentioning – as long as I remembered to show up I’d pass the test. 

Then there were the trio of business classes I was taking. I couldn’t tell you what the difference between them was, why I needed three of them, or a single thing that would be on any of their tests. In other words, I was screwed.

I sat at the desk in my room, on Thursday night – the night before my biggest day of tests – cramming as much of my messy notes into my brain as I could. 

It turned out that I could burn succubus magic to avoid sleep, and all it took was studying as Lily, a small price to pay. I would have to refuel at some point, but at the moment I was more concerned about my tests than whatever I would have to do far in the future.

What me and Sophia did was pretty crazy, I can’t imagine anything more intense than that. I’m sure the energy will last me a few months at least.

What wasn’t on my mind were the rest of my worries. I wasn’t worried about Amber, how we’d left our last conversation unfinished, and what our feelings for each other were. I wasn’t concerned about Chris and Sophia, what it meant that I was missing their company, physical and otherwise.

And, most not on my mind of all, was gender. Of course, I hadn’t thought at all about Sophia’s throw away line of ‘there’s a girl inside’, why would I? Why would it be stuck in my mind, replaying over and over again instead of the vocabulary I was supposed to be memorizing?

A glance at my clock revealed there were six more hours until I had to get ready for my first class. 

Is that too much time left, or not enough?

—

Everything is over.

I threw myself on my bed Friday night, completely exhausted. I’d failed at least one of my tests, and given that all of the business classes felt the same…

My phone buzzed.

I groaned, rolling over and grabbing it.

Chris: comin over, be ready for a good time :)

I groaned again and dragged myself out into the living room, unlocking the door and flopping face first on the couch.

Adam: Let yourself in, I’m dead on the couch. Midterms slayed the demon o7

He responded instantly.

Chris: UwU

I stared at his message for a moment, baffled, before giving up and shutting my eyes again. Despite how succubus magic made it to where I didn’t need to sleep, after two nights of studying, I wanted to sleep pretty desperately. 

My face remained pressed into the couch when Chris arrived.

“What’s goin’ on in here?!” His voice turned disappointed, “Hey, you don’t look ready for fun…”

I groaned. “I used magic to stay up all night studying…”

“Where’d you get all of… Nevermind I don’t need to know.”

His hand came down onto my upper back, shaking me. “C’mon, man, I’m taking you to a party.”

Another groan from me.

He tried again. “Everyone needs to de-stress every once in a while, it’s just practical…”

My mind jumped to all of the things I’d been stressed about – the things I wasn’t stressed about, given that I wasn’t even thinking about them. I hummed at Chris in uncertainty, showing that his arguments were starting to work.

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“It’s just a chill thing, no drugs. People might sip some alcohol, but these aren’t the kind of people to get wasted, and no one’s going to make you drink, I promise.”

I pulled myself up, my body protesting every step of the way. “One concession and I’ll go.”

He gave me his crooked smile. “Anything for you, babe.”

I smiled slyly back, “I’m not going to any party–”

Chris’ face turned incredulous, “Dude–”

I held my hand up, “But Lily is going to a party, and she’s hungry.”

His smile came back, bigger than ever. “Duuude!”

—

After one false start when we realized Lily didn’t have any clothes and we had to rush to the nearest department store to pick up underwear, flats, and a casual dress that fit her decently, we made it to the party uneventfully. 

I’d imagined a lot of things when it came to college parties – no doubt fueled by my father’s warnings. I’d imagined pounding music, seas of bodies, water coolers full of beer, and frat boys elbow dropping folding tables left and right. 

Reality was disappointing – not that I was looking forward to any of those things. Chris took me to a boring suburban house where a couple dozen students were sitting around, chatting at a normal volume and sipping on plastic cups of boxed wine. There was music, but it was just pop playing on a Bluetooth speaker in the corner, barely loud enough to be heard from across the room.

The most exciting thing happening was a couple on the couch who were making out a little too intensely, but judging by the looks they were getting, what they were doing wasn’t normal. 

Chris filled a cup a third of the way with red wine as I awkwardly followed him around, trying to resist the urge to pull my dress down every few steps.

It was a tight black thing that came down to the bottom of my butt – at least it did in theory. In reality, my rear was so big that the dress was constantly riding up, made even worse by the way it clung to my skin. 

It didn’t really matter though, because Lily – even human Lily – was promiscuous, and wouldn’t mind showing a bit of her underwear, even if they were department store panties.

I hadn’t had the time to figure out makeup to complete the look, but I was pretty without it – Lily was pretty without it, so I had no doubts she would find food at the party.

A voice rang out from behind Chris and I, “Hey there Chris, didn’t expect to see you here.”

My heart pounded. There’s no way. Sure enough, when I turned around, I saw Amber, wearing skinny jeans, an unbuttoned flannel shirt, and a sports bra. 

Chris straightened to his full height, towering far over me, but only ending up an inch or two above Amber. “Nice to see you, witch,” he spat.

There was a moment of silence, during which I prayed that I wasn’t about to witness Chris trying to fistfight my ex-girlfriend.

To my surprise, they instead both broke into laughter simultaneously. 

I glanced between them, confused.

Amber looked down at me, no recognition in her eyes. I ignored the sweet smell coming from her.

“And who’s this cutie? I don’t think we’ve met before…”

She stuck her free arm out, but when I went to shake her hand, she instead pulled me into a tight hug, whispering in my ear, “Your dress is riding up, sweetie.”

I pulled away from the hug, blushing. “That’s fine,” I responded, not bothering with fixing it again. 

Her eyes went wide, “Oh…” 

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Chris walking away, turning back to give me a thumbs up. 

What? No, come back, I need to get away so I can find someone to feed on…

While I’d been distracted, Amber had been regaining her confidence. 

Her shoulder leaned into the wall, resting just next to and above where mine was. “Your eyes are really pretty.” Her hand came up to rest on my arm and her eyelashes fluttered at me.

Aren’t my eyes exactly the same as my normal body’s? She never called my eyes pretty while we were dating…

I glared up at her, but also leaning into the touch, eager for the drops of energy and the soothing warmth it provided.

“And your pout is so cute,” she continued, unperturbed.

“I’m Lily,” I said, finally introducing myself, “What are you doing here, Amber?” I stared at her hand on my arm, directing the question.

Her eyes narrowed. “How do you know my name…?”

My heart jumped.

She shook her head, muttering, “Must’ve been Chris talking about me…” 

Phew…

“So, Lily,” she smiled at me slyly, “This doesn’t seem like your scene,” She gestured to the subdued party around us, “How about we take our conversation elsewhere?”

I sighed. Might as well have this conversation in private. I can also apologize to her for earlier…

“Yea, sure. Lead the way.”

Her eyes widened, and she dumped the rest of her cup down her throat before grabbing my hand and taking me outside.

It was a short walk to her dorm room, made even shorter by how she pulled me along in her excitement. Why is she so excited to talk to Lily? Did she figure out who I am?

Another sigh escaped me as we strolled into her room. Lily is going to end up going hungry tonight, unless Sophia is up late…

Amber turned to me, standing next to her bed, and patted the edge, urging me to sit. “C’mon let’s get this started.” Her grin was wide and free.

“More like let’s get this over with…” I muttered, walking over and transforming to demon-Lily as I sat down.

Amber’s eyes went wide. “Ad– Lily? Is that you?”

I nodded.

She stepped back, “Were you trying to prey on me?” Her brow furrowed, “I literally propositioned you the other day, you don’t need to…”

I flushed, shaking my head. “That’s not why I’m here!” I protested. 

Her frown turned puzzled. “It’s not?”

“No!”

“Then why were you at that party, dressed like…”

“What, Amber, dressed like a slut?!”

She shrugged.

“Well, Lily went to the party because she was hungry, but then you sidetracked that, taking me over here so we could talk,” I glared at her petulantly – something that she might’ve found intimidating if she hadn’t been staring at my exposed red chest.

She stared for a moment longer. “Well, I didn’t take you here to talk to you…”

I stared back. “Then why am I here?!”

Her mouth hung open for a moment. “You…”

She climbed on top of me, straddling my lap. I yelped, leaning back to lay down, but she followed, laying on top of me. Her lips met mine, and unlike when we were dating, her tongue made its way into my mouth, brushing against mine with teasing strokes. 

My body responded immediately, drawing attention to my arousal and desire, making me moan into her mouth. The taste of the wine she'd had earlier diffused in my mouth, the tart fruitiness mixing with the ever-present sweetness. My tail twitched under me, trapped by the weight of two bodies. Why am I always on the bottom? Shouldn’t I be on the top so my tail has more room?

She broke off the kiss and huffed, out of breath, “That’s why you’re here.”

“But you’re…”

“Straight? Of course I’m not, I’m bi.” She rolled her eyes. “But some people get a little weird if I tell them that so I just don’t mention it sometimes.”

Anger and embarrassment battled in my chest at the implication. I’m not homophobic, I have a bunch of gay friends. And my demon alter ego is… I don’t need to think about what she is.

I resisted the urge to make a comment, knowing that my first reaction was probably something I’d learned from my father. He was a great person, but when it came to gay people, he had a few flaws.

Once I’d calmed my anger all that was left was embarrassment. “But you– we–” I gestured between us, not knowing what it was that I had an issue with. 

“You went there to feed, and here I am,” She shrugged, “It won’t kill me to serve you up a meal once.”

Lily is the one that was there to feed, I’m still a virgin… I didn’t bother to correct her.

I finally gave in, kissing her back like Lily would. This was Lily’s night to enjoy herself, to destress after all of the studying. One of my hands groped her exposed midriff and the other came to the back of her head, pulling her mouth closer to mine. 

Amber giggled into my mouth, quickly bringing her hands up to knead my chest. I squirmed at her fingers on my sensitive nipples, still not used to the sensation.

“God, you’re so cute, Lily.” She sighed in satisfaction, staring down on me as I squirmed, “Lily… What a pretty name for a pretty girl.”

My pleasure built, mixing with my embarrassment as her soft coos reached my ears. My hands twitched, I threw my head back, and right before my euphoria crested, Amber stopped. 

I whined, shifting to let my tail out from under me as she backed off, standing and removing her clothes without ceremony. She slapped my tail away from between my legs, an intense glare warning me to wait for her.

Even with her hurrying, it felt like it took hours for her to undress, each inch of skinny jeans she had to wiggle out of making me more and more impatient for my pleasure. I need her to touch me – I need the release.

Once she was finally undressed, she still didn’t come back to me, instead bending over to look through the drawers of her nightstand. 

I brought my fingers up to absentmindedly rub my chest, hoping she wouldn’t chastise me for it, while staring at her ass. I hadn’t seen much of her body while we’d been dating, but I’d known in the abstract that she was fit.

The abstract was not enough to prepare me for reality. Amber’s legs were long and rippling with muscle, the upper third of her thigh a lighter shade than the rest. Everything was smooth and taut, completely in control of her motions as her head neared the floor without her bending her legs. 

Her upside down face peeked through her shins to give me a sly smile. I scowled back, but I continued watching and waiting, only touching  my chest, swirling my short, black nails around my deep crimson nipples, thankful that I didn't naturally have claws.

By the time she returned to me, now wearing a long, thin rubber phallus between her legs, I was panting, worked up to the edge. I preened under her satisfied smile as she knelt on the mattress just below my hips, lining up with my soaking entrance.

Amber rubbed her rubber member slowly up and down my lower abdomen, so close to giving me the pleasure I needed. “You’re such a good girl, waiting patiently for me. But there’s one more thing you need to do before I put you out of your misery.”

“Please,” I whined.

Her smirk should’ve scared me. It might have scared Adam, had he received it, but it didn’t scare Lily.

“Beg.”

My writhing stopped.

I thought about everything I’d experienced recently, the confusion, the stress, the rare enjoyment when I gave in to my instincts, and scariest of all, the feeling that Adam might not exist anymore, that he was less and less present every day.

Adam fucking sucked anyways.

“Please fuck me Amber, I need it,” I shook my hips, trying to get her inside me, but she thwarted me at every movement.

Her eyes went wide for a moment before crinkling in amusement, “And what are you?”

My cheeks burned with shame, a feeling almost as prominent as the need between my legs. “I’m just a succubus whore…” I threw a hand over my face, hiding from her judgmental gaze.

She hummed in satisfaction and peeled my hand away from my face, studying my embarrassment. 

Then, she entered me.

I had rationalized away many of my decisions up until that point as the actions of Lily, the woman ‘possessing’ me, avoiding the responsibility of doing things for myself. In that moment however, the person getting fucked by my ex-girlfriend who probably still hated me on some level, they weren’t Lily, nor were they Adam. 

They were me. 

And I loved it.

I parted around her thrust, stretching and tensing in new and exciting ways. My lower back rose off the bed, bringing our pelvises together and eliciting a satisfied exhale from Amber and a low moan from me. 

“Damn, maybe I should've chose the bigger one,” Amber muttered, pulling her hips slowly back before finding her rhythm, sliding into me with proficiency. “Of course the succubus can take it…” She sped up.

I’d been trying to avoid thinking about potential succubus powers – shapeshifting alone consumed my thoughts more often than I wanted it to – but with the excess energy flowing into me, as well as my newfound self-acceptance, I was ready to dabble.

One of my hands came down to hover over Amber’s toy, a warm energy radiating out from me and doing something. I was still figuring it out.

Amber gasped and redoubled her efforts, cursing under her breath.

“Oh my god, I can feel…” Her moans joined mine, and her rough thrusts grew jerkier, slapping our flesh together in a cacophony of lust.

I hadn’t thought much about coming since she’d entered me, more concerned with enjoying the steady waves of pleasure flowing through me than chasing a big high. That all changed when Amber reached down, brushing her long slender fingers against my clit, and I realized that the only reason I hadn’t come already was because she hadn't wanted me to yet.

It took under three seconds for her dexterous fingers to give me an orgasm, causing what little composure I had left to disintegrate, screaming and shaking.

And I thought I’d done it all with Sophia? This is already insane, what more could sex be?

A few thrusts later and Amber was finishing too, the toy twitching inside of me due to my magic. Thankfully nothing came out of it – that wasn’t something I could fathom needing to worry about – but I ended up feeling really empty when she pulled out.

Amber removed her harness and laid next to me, taking me into her arms and slowly scritching one of my horns without a word. Our breaths synchronized and I basked in the feelings of satisfaction and closeness I’d never gotten to experience with her before.

As we fell asleep, I heard her quiet voice murmur, “This can’t happen again…”