Reincarnated as a Phoenix

Chapter 181 – Big City

“Petra, meet my original brother Connor. Connor, meet Petra. He was always the idiot out of us two”

As soon as the short haired blonde man enters the bungalow, I can’t help but send an insult his way while giving the introduction. If you’ve ever had that annoying younger sibling, you’ll know exactly why I failed to mention I ever had a brother back on Earth. Minos is way different so not even worth comparing.

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Anyways, Petra tries to give him a handshake like she somehow remembers this Earth based greeting but my sibling doesn’t pay attention to it. Motherfucker just left my wife hanging!

“Brother!? I only have one bro and he disappeared around… forty-five days ago I think, probably chasing some skirt who’ll put makeup on him or something. Is this some fake identity fraud shit where you try and steal his life? I ain’t falling for that scam, gonna call the cops round if you two don’t piss off”

‘Only a month and a half? I know Petra said time is slowed down massively here compared to our home but still. Anyways, that makeup comment pisses me off’

“Seriously bruv? Even with a different face, a different gender and different height, you still can’t recognize me? Jeez, you really are terrible. And as if you’re going to call the police! The second they do; they’ll discover the plants you’re growing out in your room”

“You know about my shit!? I knew Brooklyn was a snitch, how dare he rat me out! You supposed to be his girlfriend or something? I’m not selling to anyone I haven’t smoked with before!”

…

Not even having the strength to respond to him and just facepalming instead, maybe you can understand now why I didn’t want this meeting happening other than just brotherly rivalry. Consuming drugs is one thing, growing it in your bedroom is an entirely different matter. I would’ve kicked him out ages ago if the house wasn’t left in both our names.

“Was that your name Ikarus? Brooklyn?”

Despite Petra trying her best to pretend ignoring our conversation, think the fact she finally knows about my original name makes her happier more than words can describe.

“*Sighhh*… always hated that blasted name with a passion”

“Yeah, bro always thought his name was a little girly and personally, I think it fit him perfectly. I’m still not falling for you pretending to be him though”

I can tell the longer I stay here talking to this idiot, my anger level is gradually going to rise to an uncontrollable level. I’d leave right now but there is still some things that need to be said. At the end of the day, he probably should know I’m not dead face down in a ditch or something.

“Fine then bruv, let me find some way of proving it to you…”

So, how do you prove to someone you’ve somehow been summoned, turned into a bird and gender swapped? Eh, maybe I’ll leave out the summoning and other world thing but to prove myself, it’ll have to be something big. Any secret I reveal about him, Connor will believe I found it out from my old self so I’ll have to give him one of my own… I guess that could work…

“… Okay, I’ll reveal something extremely embarrassing about myself that will only make sense to you and I’d never tell a partner. Petra, can you cover your ears up one second?”

“Heh, no chance Ikarus. You know everything about me so it’s only fair if it works both way”

Fuck’s sake Petra! Sighhh, looks like I’m going to just say it then, I can already tell Petra’s gonna love this…

“*Sighhh*, fineee. You remember way back when we both got kicked out of that religious foster family bruv? Think we were about twelve or something?”

“Yeah, those dickheads thought we stole something from their room… wait, you didn’t steal underwear or something!? I always knew you were a closet pervert! Is the smell really that worth it?”

‘I-… this brother of mine, fuckkkk…’

“Who the hell do you take me for!? I never told you the reason but it was kinda down to me. I slightly got curious one day and wondered what it would be like to crossdress a little. A broom, a dress, some lipstick and a pair of heels later, the religious woman came in and basically had a full-on shaming fit claiming my soul isn’t pure. Never heard the word sin said so much in my life but at least you now know the reason”

It may not sound that embarrassing of a story I guess but with Petra around, this is more painful than I care to admit. Her brain only needs one word swirling around it for all this… justification. She seems more considerate than I thought though, not really sure why because I expected at least a slight comment or two.

Anyways, my brother finds it hilarious so he’s making up for Petra’s compassion.

“Ha! I always knew you were into that stuff! So, it really is you then bro? Wait, did you make a wish to a genie and he did this to you!? Nice! Was this woman the genie or is she your new mummy or something like that?”

Before even getting the chance to do anything from his odd response, Petra senses my intense rage and grabs my shoulder stopping me from what I was about to do. I was about to make sure he never has the ability to make future offspring, that was how hard I was about to kick this fucking idiot of a brother of mine. Mummy!?! He seriously had to call Petra that? I don’t have many limits but, even I wouldn’t be into that. The playful balance of teasing, torment and embarrassment is enough for us, don’t need to be adding anything like that into the mix.

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“That’s my actual wife Connor. You say anything perverted or imply anything else, I promise she won’t be the only person blind in this room”

You know, that slightly inappropriate threat has made me think. I’m surprised the powers that be have allowed Petra to use her sight around here but I guess that’s less of an ability than I realize? Eh, I’m not going to question it, let’s just move on already.

“I can be nice, promise! Does your Mrs even know you used to be a dude though? Isn’t that like, a big deal?”

‘This was another thing about this brother of mine. You think I get distracted and ask odd questions, you don’t know the half of it’

“Heh, had no problem with that. Even if Ikarus was still a guy, I’d still love him or her just as much”

‘Urgh, my heart still can’t adjust to Petra’s love at times’

“Ah, so you swing both ways then? Maybe you can join me and my GF having a night of drug filled passion if you want”

Before I even have the chance, Petra’s having to hold me back again. Does he even think before he speaks!? I know I used to be bad with this sort of thing but damn, I could never compete with his idiocy.

“What the fuck did I just say bruv!?! Nothing perverted and you’re already coming onto her!”

“I didn’t mean anything by it Brooks! Just I know putting up with you would drive anyone to need some extra relief, that’s all! You could join in as well but that might be a little too weird since we were brothers”

I just, that’s it, I’m done, I’m cooked. Continuing this conversation is quickly destroying braincells so no more…

“Petra, we’re going now. Just speaking to this guy is making me want to stick a screwdriver in my ear so let’s be moving along. I’ve got all we need from here”

“Heh, okay Ikarus”

By the sounds of it, Petra’s laugh was more an awkward one there and can’t exactly blame her for it. This situation could’ve been so much easier if he wasn’t in but alas, family always catches up with you I suppose. He’s the only blood I’ve got on the human side that hasn’t disowned me thankfully enough.

“Bro, you’re seriously just going to pop in like this and piss off back off to wherever you went? What am I supposed to do if anyone tries to find where you’ve gone?”

‘Finally, he asks a question that makes sense to ask. Only took him twenty-one years’

“That’s pretty easy bruv. In the forty something days I’ve been gone, how many people have asked about me?”

“Erm… none?”

“There’s no problem then! If anyone does ask, just say I’m out on a long camping holiday or something like that…”

As me and Petra are heading for the door, there’s one last thing that must be said. As much as I can’t stand the waste of space ahead of me, I still wouldn’t want him to come to harm though…

“…Ah, just one quick thing before we go. Please, try and stop the excessive smoking. I could smell that shit from outside Connor, a little is fine but you way overdo it”

Maybe Petra’s unsure on it but that musky smell around here wasn’t from just us guys. To say excessive smoking is a huge understatement, been a couple of times where the place has looked like a fog machine has gone off and he’s looked like he’s about to start his own reincarnation story.

“I stopped dealing Brooks, isn’t that enough!?”

‘Some people have idiots for brothers, some have decent folk and others have geniuses. How many can say they have dealer though?’

“No, it’s not. You know that stuff makes your third leg smaller, right bruv? You don’t even need the cash so at least try to do something about it”

‘It doesn’t but anything to try and get him to stop smoking it. Little is fine but too much turns you into a dopey idiot, it’s ironic considering I’ve never touched the stuff’

“I’ll try Brooklyn but no promises… Ah, that doctor thing is on TV now so piss off already. You know my routine already”

‘Okay, he’s definitely going to light something up if he’s watching that sci-fi doctor show…’

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Upon exciting the now smoky house of my brother, I can’t help but mimic my wife in that trademarked facepalm of hers again.

“Heh, your brother is a tad different Ikarus. I can definitely tell who the cuter looking one out of you two is”

As she’s giving a pointlessly loving compliment, Petra cuddles into me as we’re leaving casa Ikarus. At least she always knows how to chirp me up.

“I mean, you can’t cause of blind reasons but love you too wifey... Are you ready for the actual honeymoon portion of this trip then Petra? We’ll have to take the train if we’re still doing it”

“Heh, of course Brooklyn. Let’s go get a tic-”

“No no no Petra, you’re not using that name so don’t even think about getting this out of your system. I’m Ikarus and I’ll remain as such so please, just don’t”

“Heh, aww… boring Ikarus”

Petra let’s out a depressive moan but I really don’t care! That name is long lost to history so we’re not going to turn this into a regular thing. That’s grounds for a divorce using my old name like that, love can’t conquer everything I’m afraid. Even if it does a little in this situation.

‘It’s odd how much I hate that name yet it seems kinda okay when Petra says it. I already simp for her enough so I’m not rapidly changing my mind on this though…’

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“You like my phone Petra? Your hands have been glued to it ever since we sat down”

“Heh, I’m just looking for hotels Ikarus. You sure this is okay if I do this?”

Now on the train ride cuddled up together, Petra’s glued to my phone and somehow seems to know how to easily use it. I guess muscle memory is a thing with how technology works but still, it’s shocks me how easily she’s still able to do this even after six hundred years. I’d buy her one and bring it back if we had any way of charging it… ah, I’m definitely going to print out designs for a generator just before we had back. Might not work but oh well.

The current plan is to take this until we get into the city, then just wing it along from there. A modern city is a huge place after all but with the underground and all that, it’ll be a breeze. We’ll probably see a double decker bus and a black cabby or two if that’s appealing to some but this really isn’t that big of a deal around here… ah, just saw a black cab out the window. Bit odd considering we’re not even in the city yet.

I’ve only ever been to the capital a few times but mainly down to not wanting to waste money more than anything else. Seriously though, you buy anything in the capital and it basically gets more than quadrupled due to how much wealth is focused around the area. Despite that, I do have a small fortune I can waste if needed though, Petra’s always worth it.

“Petra, money really isn’t an issue. I’ve got more than enough from the inheritance and I’ve always got some stuff left in storage to pawn if needed. Go nuts and buy whatever you want! It’s your turn to be my trophy wife!”

While saying that, I look at my diamond wedding ring and can’t help grin at the over-the-top thing, it really is too much but who cares?

Can’t forget about all the random crap in my storage though: gold, jewellery and more and more gold. There are pawn shops everywhere so money will never be an issue. Petra clearly wants to pick out the hotel on my phone so I’ll just let her get on with it. I’m actually hoping for a stupidly expensive five-star experience for a change but whatever floats her boat.

“That’s not what I meant Ikarus. I mean, are you okay if my choice is a little different to what you’re expecting?”

‘Different to what I’m expecting? Ah, I don’t care, just choose for us already!’

“Petra, I’m going to get pissy in a minute, pick whatever you want! If it ends up being a one-star shithole that makes our skin cruel with bed bugs, then you’ll be the one to blame, but at least we’ll still be sleeping together. Actually, make sure the beds aren’t separate, might as well share the shit experience together”

“Heh, okay then Ikarus, I’ll book whatever I want. We have any ideas on what else we’re going to do for the rest of the day though?”

Thinking about it, time’s already getting a little late so we’ve only got a few hours of daylight left… ah, it’s literally just started raining as well so this country is always living up to normal expectation.

“Well… we have got some time before dinner but I’m not budging on what we’re eating, it’s fast food or nothing. Before all that though, it’s up to you”

Even if we’re heading to a fancy hotel, a fatty greasy meal bound to cause cholesterol is required as I’m basically drooling thinking about it. Maybe buy something covered in sugar as well. Mmm, donuts…

“Heh, let me have a quick think… could get a tattoo done Ikarus. Remember it was mentioned once before, personally not into myself but one could look cute on you?”

Honestly, I was thinking she might suggest something related to her history back on Earth but guess she really doesn’t care about it all. It’s either that or she just simply can’t remember anything specific, probably a bit of both.

“Huh… that’s actually not a bad starting idea Petra. Could get your name on my ankle and even a stupid red flag done or something”

I mean, why the hell not destroy my body with ink just for the sake of it? Obviously, Petra just said she’d rather not get one done herself but we definitely need to kill some time before food. Also doesn’t help that shopping the markets and all that will require being drenched in the rain as it’s poring outside right now. This island and rain, tis a tale as old as time itself.

Anyways, Petra’s still scrolling on my phone when she clearly thinks or sees something that gives her a smile. It’s strange how little I miss technology but then again, I get as much enjoyment just from staring a Petra all day long… I’m getting creepy stalker vibes from myself now.

“Heh, that’s given me another idea Ikarus. How do you feel about getting a piercing done? The place will probably do both and it might be something you enjoy”

Petra’s now suggesting I get a piercing as well? Huh, that actually sounds like it could be fun. Painful, but fun since I’m curious on most things. Look at her bringing up ideas to cause me physical pain, I know that’s not the point but still.

“Can take them or leave them really. As long as we don’t go mad on the quantity and it can’t be a tongue stud, I’m down for it”

If you don’t know the reason why women get tongue studs, then think about my fear of certain limbs and you’ll be a little more perceptive on the matter…

“It’ll only be two Ikarus, got a feeling you’ll really like the end result. If you’re okay with it, I’d like to add something to the tattoo as well”

…

‘I know what route she’s going down here. Wife or not, she still can’t help herself’

“Petra, getting my body pierced for you is one thing, but if you think I’m getting something like ‘Petra’s bitch’ printed on my body, you’re deadly wrong here”

“Heh, was thinking more like Petra’s propert,y but bitch does have a better ring to it, does it not?”

…

“*Sighhh*… you forgetting I can tell when you’re kidding Petra? I know for a fact all that was a tease”

“Heh, didn’t forget Ikarus but knew deep down you’re seriously contemplating it now. How about we compromise and go for Petra’s adorable bitch instead?”

‘I… fuck’s sake, dealing with my brother has made me lose my composure with her! Not like I ever had any resistance to her teasing to begin with…’

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‘Ouch ouch ouch… I’m so freaking miserable now…’

Coming out a tattoo joint piercing parlour in the middle of the big city, I’m hugely disappointed with the end result and now regret the pain of vandalizing my body. Damn it Petra, this hurts so much! Feel like I’ve lost a tenth of my health but I can’t open my status to prove myself wrong!

“For some reason when you said two piercings Petra, I thought it would be my ears. How does it even work when I change form though?”

In the end, we scrapped the tattoo idea after the piercings hurt too much! There was also a good reason why I didn’t show what happened mainly down to the two areas that got stabbed. It still doesn’t matter how much I rub my breasts; this shit stings! Damn this vixen for suggesting I pierce those two pesky peaks!

“Heh, they’ll probably just attach to your feathers Ikarus. Be honest with me though, you seriously regret doing this?”

“No, but it’s not like we can even do anything till it’s completely healed, right? Till then, I’m stuck being miserable”

“Heh, forgetting something Ikarus? Healent? We can do something with them tonight if we sort that out now”

Putting healent on to help the healing… that’ll hurt even more! Eh, we’ll decide what to do another time, I need a distraction from all this pain and what better distraction than food!?

Didn’t mention it but we already took the underground to get to this point as the entire thing took way longer than expected, queues and all that. Nothing noticeable except the rampant homeless problem most cities get, did donate to a couple of them but you never know if it’ll go on food, drugs or alcohol. Screw that depressing shit though, this is our holiday!

Anyways, both of us forget about the weather that inflicts this stupid country and both get caught in the immense downpour on exit. This freaking island people, might as well have rainforest climate considering how much it rains. I’m not exaggerating despite us islander’s being terrible with any weather, it rains too much!

“Heh, want to shop for some warm clothes quickly Ikarus?”

“Yeah, an umbrella as well why we’re at it…”

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“Heh… are you… are you crying Ikarus?”

“No? What are you on about Petra?”

“There’s actual tears in your eyes. Heh, you’ll cry over this but not at our own wedding?”

“I’m not crying, damn it! My eyes, they’re… they’re just drooling down to the food! That’s all it is!”

[<As if Ikarus believes eyes can really do that>]

“Now Aesa as well!? Both of you, just let me enjoy my burgers in peace! This might be the bes-, second best day of my life”

“Heh, close call Ikarus, very close call”

Now enjoying some high class, quality piles of grease, aka fast food, my eyes are currently watering due to how hungry I am. They’re not tears, as if I’d be that happy for something like this… the fizzy drink as well is jus-, I’m not crying damn it!

Ah, should probably backtrack a little before we got to this current moment in time as well, this entire trip seems to be going this way but nothing else that noteworthy is happening! As soon as we stepped inside some huge clothes shop that I don’t remember the name of, the rain miraculously stopped and even a rainbow appeared! Fuck my life, we did end up getting some things but obviously Petra ended up choosing my current outfit. If I knew she’d find something similar to my enchanted dress, I’d just have worn the bloody thing.

Also, I’m sorry but I skipped the evitable embarrassing moment when Petra gets me in clothing but I can’t be arsed right now, alright!? My breasts hurt, I’m flustered and I was sooo hungry. Only one of those problems is fixable so I’m fixing it now… by God, you haven’t lived till you’ve had a quadruple bacon bypass burger from Burger Queen.

“Heh, don’t fill yourself up too much Ikarus. Didn’t you want to go to multiple places?”

This street we’ve ended up is like fast food heaven! They’ve got the burger place, the fried chicken one, another burger joint, the Mexican one with the bell and a hell of a lot more. Except, I can’t fully enjoy all the choices since I have only one stomach and two breasts apparently…

“Honestly Petra, I’d rather just go back to the hotel to rest after this feast. Those piercings are still pissing me off even now. Besides, what’s the bet it’ll rain the second we step foot outside again?”

Even during this meal, I can’t help but keep rubbing on them due to the pain. It’s already gotten a lot better but still ain’t great and a nap after dinner on top of a big comfy bed will do the trick. We can always do all the boring shopping and touristy stuff tomorrow if Petra even cares about all that.

“Heh, just rest Ikarus? Something tells me that pain will suddenly disappear when you see where we’re staying tonight”

Stopping myself from engorging in the greasy food for one second, my stomach doesn’t feel great and it definitely isn’t from that. Petra’s done something weird again…

“Wait… what have you done Petra? What hotel have you booked? Give me my phone one second”

“Heh, you’ll find out soon enough so no can do Ikarus. Just enjoy your food for now and don’t worry about it, okay?”

In the most condescending yet reassuring way she can do, I get a tilted sly smile from my wife making me regret ever giving her my phone. I’m not that naïve but even I didn’t think she’d do what I’m thinking she’s done.

‘Oh no, God have mercy on our sins because I can already tell she’s proud about this. I’m sure I know where we’re going next, our honeymoon technically is still a special occasion after all…’