The Guide to Conquering Earthlings

Chapter 16

Lan Xi followed the lead of characters in a TV drama and gave a fist salute to Xie Cheng. "Looks like my fists are stronger, narrowly winning this round. Since you're no match for me, you can sleep on the floor!"

Lan Xi showed off her own fist. "After all, we rely on strength to speak!"

However, with blood gushing from the nose, the atmosphere became intense. Perhaps it was going a bit too far?

Lan Xi showed concern. "It's about time you stopped the nosebleed. Let it be over soon!"

"I'd love to stop it, but do you think it's a faucet?"

The atmosphere was getting a bit too heated. Lan Xi felt that Xie Cheng was about to breathe fire when speaking to her. He stared at her intently. "Do you have any strength at all?"

Lan Xi felt wronged. "I didn't use much force." She explained, "Look, your nose isn't even broken, is it?"

"You want my nose to be broken?!"

...

Lan Xi had no idea what Xie Cheng was thinking. She had a satisfied and even proud look on her face. She cast a seductive glance at Xie Cheng and said enthusiastically, "Since the atmosphere has reached this point, why don't we sleep together?"

"I've mastered various positions, guaranteed to satisfy you."

"...Xie Cheng, are you crazy?" Xie Cheng covered his bleeding nose and stared at Lan Xi.

"No, I'm not." Lan Xi felt quite wronged. "Aren't those just a few positions? They're easy to master. If you don't know, I can teach you!"

Perhaps due to overexcitement, Lan Xi felt that Xie Cheng's nosebleed became more intense along with his surging emotions. His voice also became somewhat distorted. He raised his voice and said, "I don't need you to teach me!"

"The things you're thinking about will never happen."

What? Can't we sleep together? Even if we sleep on our sides, Lan Xi would be fine with that!

She glanced at Xie Cheng, furrowed her brows, and unhappily said, "I thought the atmosphere was good between us earlier. I thought we could just go with the flow and sleep together. But if you keep resisting, then I'll have to conquer you with force. Do you prefer to be beaten by me?"

Lan Xi sighed regretfully. "The atmosphere was so good, I didn't want to fight you."

"A good atmosphere?" Xie Cheng's voice was filled with anger. "And you're planning to use violence?"

Lan Xi waved her hands repeatedly. "Let's not fight tonight! Come on, let's sleep together!"

Lan Xi originally intended to go to the big bed herself and ask Xie Cheng to sleep on the floor. But before she reached the edge of the bed, Xie Cheng took the initiative to change the plan—

He picked up the bedsheet from the floor, wrapped Lan Xi like a "spring roll," and then placed her on the big bed.

Xie Cheng stood by the bed, his face gloomy and unclear. "I have no choice but to do this, to prevent you from doing anything strange."

It was quite cold at night, and it wouldn't hurt to cover oneself with a blanket. But if she covered herself, wouldn't Xie Cheng have to sleep on the cold floor?

This won't do. When two people sleep together, it's all about compromise and mutual benefit! You've already taken the bed by virtue of your strength, so should you not leave any blanket for Xie Cheng? I know that Xie Cheng is indirectly showing affection by doing this, but the guidebook says that women shouldn't be selfish either! We should care for men too!

Lan Xi tactfully persuaded, "If you wrap me up like this, how are we going to sleep? We won't be able to try out many positions!"

Wrapped up like a ball and bound so tightly, Lan Xi couldn't even turn over properly and could only lie on her back, unable to lie on her side at all!

She lost two precious sleeping positions in an instant!

Moreover, she had to give the blanket to Xie Cheng. The floor was so cold!

Lan Xi tried to free herself and return the blanket to Xie Cheng, but unfortunately, Xie Cheng didn't give her the chance. As soon as he heard Lan Xi speak, he became even more guarded, and his expression became even more unpleasant.

"You're dreaming!" Xie Cheng gasped slightly, staring at Lan Xi. It seemed as though he was engaged in a great mental struggle. After a moment, as if making a huge sacrifice, he also got on the bed.

...

Xie Cheng had never encountered someone like Lan Xi in his life. He wrapped her up with the blanket to stop her from misbehaving, but she still wanted to break free. His rejection was already so clear, yet she was still thinking about how to sleep. She even complained that she couldn't try out different positions when wrapped up. How could she bring up such things?

He absolutely couldn't let her free her hands from the blanket. Xie Cheng didn't have confidence that he could match her in physical strength if her hands were free.

Reluctantly, while Lan Xi was wrapped up in the blanket, Xie Cheng used his hands to tightly bind the blanket, indirectly restraining Lan Xi and controlling her movements.

But Xie Cheng didn't know that in Lan Xi's eyes, the situation was completely different...

Lan Xi was extremely angry.

Very, very angry.

She clearly won the game of adding excitement before sleeping by using her fists. She should be the one sleeping on the big bed, and Xie Cheng should be on the floor. She even worried that the floor would be cold and thoughtfully gave him the blanket. But now, Xie Cheng actually refused to accept defeat and played dirty!

She thought he was concerned about her and gave her the blanket!

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It turned out he was just finding an excuse to sleep on the bed!

And he held onto her, not allowing her to change positions. He must be afraid that she would kick him off once she regained her freedom!

As a princess, it was already a great suffering for her to sleep on such a small bed. Yet Xie Cheng not only refused to sleep properly on the floor but also wanted to benefit from it!

It's simply outrageous!

Lan Xi wanted to break free from the blanket and kick Xie Cheng back to the floor.

But Xie Cheng was determined not to let go. In the end, the two of them, separated by a blanket, wrestled on the bed. The already rudimentary wooden bed creaked under their movements.

"Boom!"

With a loud noise, the bed finally couldn't bear the weight.

It collapsed.

Lan Xi was furious to the point of death. Now, that's enough. Let's not argue anymore. Everyone should just sleep on the floor!

...

Before coming to the village, Lan Xi had spent several nights staying up late studying "The Earthling's Guide to Conquest." While eating, she kept thinking about her own plans, so she didn't eat much. Her energy was not fully replenished, and now she was feeling physically exhausted. She had intended to go to sleep, but Xie Cheng seemed unreasonable and relentless. Although the handcuffs on his hands had loosened a bit due to the broken bed, the pressure on her from his body became even stronger.

Lan Xi felt something pressing against her waist through the blanket.

The hardness and shape of it...

Lan Xi became angry and said, "There won't be any rain tomorrow! Can't you put away your umbrella handle? It's poking me!"

Who sleeps with an umbrella? This Earthling is unreasonable!

...

Perhaps feeling embarrassed for being caught, Lan Xi noticed that Xie Cheng, who had previously been cold and unyielding, fighting for the big bed, now had a strange blush on his face. His gaze became evasive, and his breathing slightly quickened. He stared at Lan Xi's face for a while, then straightened his body, turned his head slightly, and looked up at the ceiling.

His attitude seemed fine, but he hadn't changed at all!

"Why don't you just put away the umbrella instead of poking me even closer?!"

As Lan Xi said this, she broke free from the blanket and reached out to move the umbrella handle herself. However, as soon as her hand reached her waist, Xie Cheng firmly grabbed her hand, stopping her.

His expression became complicated, as if he was angry and embarrassed. Finally, he gritted his teeth and said, "Lan Xi, can you please calm down?!"

"What did I do?!"

Xie Cheng seemed to be struggling to control himself, and Lan Xi wanted to urge him again to move the umbrella handle, but she was surprised by the sight on his face.

"Your nose is bleeding again!"

Xie Cheng seemed to have reached his limit. He pressed down on Lan Xi again and leaned closer to her.

Lan Xi felt that he wanted to warn her about something, but...

All Lan Xi could see was Xie Cheng's ear, so close.

The guidebook mentioned creating an atmosphere for sleeping together, including a technique called the "ambiguous breathing near the ear."

Even though the bed was broken, the night was still long. Now was a good time to try and adjust the atmosphere, and perhaps they could just lie down together on the ground.

With this determination in her heart, Lan Xi made her move.

She leaned close to Xie Cheng's ear and gently exhaled against his earlobe.

"Lan! Xi!"

The response she received was not a romantic atmosphere, but rather Xie Cheng's reddened eyes and a trembling voice filled with anger.

"There must be something in the soup and wine tonight."

Xie Cheng seemed to be trying hard to endure something.

Quite perceptive!

Lan Xi praised, "Your taste buds aren't bad! They added deer whip and tiger whip to it! It's a good tonic for you!"

She looked at the sky and said, "It's almost dawn. Shouldn't we take this opportunity and go to sleep together?"

...

Xie Cheng seemed pushed to his limit. "Lan Xi, can you stop having this on your mind all the time?"

"What is going on with you?"

Lan Xi blinked her eyes and glanced at the sky outside, still a bit unwilling. "Can I just take a short nap?" She clasped her hands together and pleaded, "Please, even just for a minute, in the simplest position."

Lan Xi thought that simply lying down, even for just a minute, would be considered a shared bond of sleeping together...

Unfortunately, Xie Cheng completely misunderstood her words.

He raised his voice slightly, expressionless, and asked, "One minute? Just... one minute? What do you mean?"

Confused, Lan Xi replied, "It's fine even if it's a short time. I don't mind."

The important thing was to sleep together!

But for some reason, Xie Cheng seemed infuriated.

Feeling a bit wronged, Lan Xi couldn't help but mutter, "I didn't do anything wrong. It's all written in the guidebook..."

"Guidebook?"

Xie Cheng took three deep breaths, seemingly controlling his emotions, and his voice became calm again as he looked at Lan Xi. "What guidebook?"

Oh no, she slipped up.

Lan Xi blinked her eyes and tried to cover up, "It's... a guide left by my family, a guide to surviving in modern society..."

"The guide tells you to sleep with me?"

"Not... not that explicitly. It just says that if a woman sleeps with a man, she can... she can get money..." Lan Xi stammered, "Since I owe you so much money, the guide says that after sleeping together, I don't have to repay the debt..."

Xie Cheng pursed his lips, his expression serious. "And what about the sleeping position? Is that also mentioned in the guide?"

"Well... there's a section in the guide that specifically talks about sleeping positions." Lan Xi didn't want to say too much. While observing Xie Cheng's expression, she carefully chose what she felt was safe to say. "But it's very simple. I often practice these positions, so I already know them without having to refer to the guide..."

At this point, she glanced at Xie Cheng again. "Anyway, let's just practice directly. If there's anything you don't know, I can teach you!"

...

She spoke casually, unaware that her words had caused a huge uproar in Xie Cheng's ears.

Xie Cheng had read Lan Xi's resume, and she was outstanding in various aspects. However, her family background was the only drawback. Not only did she come from a remote mountain village, she was also abandoned by her parents when she was young and grew up in a welfare institution. She only managed to complete her education with the help of kind-hearted individuals...

Xie Cheng's gaze shifted to Lan Xi. There was no denying that she was astonishingly beautiful, physically fit, and he had personally verified that her analytical abilities far surpassed those of ordinary people. A child like her, who had been abandoned bit by bit since a young age, must have displayed abnormal social behavior.

Life in a welfare institution couldn't have been good, he presumed.

But Xie Cheng didn't expect it to be this bad.

Not poking into someone's sad past was basic morality, so Xie Cheng tactfully avoided using the term "welfare institution." He furrowed his brows and asked for confirmation, "So, the person who left you that survival guide... is your... family, the people who take care of you in daily life?"

Xie Cheng attempted to use phrasing that wouldn't lead to misunderstandings, even if it meant referring to autism. "Your family, is it a large family? Like one with many children, around one or two hundred, something like that?"

Lan Xi nodded her head. "The Earthling Conquest Guide" was written by a team of experts appointed by her father and mother, so it was essentially a gift from her own family.

Mu Yi Star adopted a cultivation chamber for reproduction, allowing for the convenience of cultivating as many children as desired. As a result, Lan Xi had numerous blood relatives. There were nearly two hundred members of the royal family alone who were related to her by blood, whether closely or distantly. It truly was a large family with many children.

Lan Xi simply nodded in response to this question, but Xie Cheng's heart was filled with shock and tumult.

In today's society, a family with one or two hundred children could only be a welfare institution.

Xie Cheng was aware of the difficulties that individuals with autism spectrum disorders faced in integrating into society, as well as the malice they encountered. However, he had no idea that this malice could be so severe.

Many women used their beauty as a weapon, but for someone like Lan Xi, who had autism spectrum disorder, her extraordinary beauty was not a good thing.

Xie Cheng had heard of many welfare institutions in remote areas that not only had infrastructure issues but also had varying degrees of staff quality. In some mountainous welfare institutions, which were far removed from the central government's reach, there were even many loopholes in the adoption of infants and young children. There were significant problems in the care provided by the staff to these children who lacked parental protection.

This was actually a global issue. In many countries, even official children's welfare institutions and social shelters were involved in illegal activities. In countries where the system was insufficiently regulated and there was insufficient public attention, there were numerous gray industry chains involving the coercion of underage children into prostitution.

Clearly, Lan Xi was not fortunate. It was evident that the welfare institution she was in had significant ulterior motives in raising her—she was too beautiful and too easily controlled and deceived.

Xie Cheng did not want to believe it, but based on Lan Xi's consistently peculiar behavior and the guide she mentioned, this was probably the worst possible scenario he could imagine—Lan Xi was likely being manipulated and deceived into providing sexual services to others, and she had been brainwashed to believe that this was a very normal and common phenomenon, which was why she shamelessly spoke of "sleeping together" and "knowing many sleeping positions."

The strange behaviors she exhibited on a daily basis probably had a further explanation now.

So, it turned out that behind these bizarre actions was a logical behavior pattern.

Yes, as an individual with autism spectrum disorder, she often could not understand human emotions well, could not discern goodwill, and could not avoid traps and malice. It was likely that she had been educated to serve others sexually, and her living environment was perilous.

To be able to receive money by sleeping with men, to speak so confidently about it, and even openly display a banner saying they could sleep together—how much hellish existence had she experienced? Even her common sense had been altered and manipulated by this group of people!

Perhaps Xie Jing sent her here with many such thoughts in mind!

However, Lan Xi didn't even know what she had been through. She had a carefree expression on her face and sneakily glanced at Xie Cheng, her voice filled with regret and unwillingness, "Are you really not considering sleeping with me? It's very comfortable!"

Lan Xi was actually feeling a bit tired. She longed for sleep because for the Mu Yi Star people, eating and sleeping were the two main ways to replenish energy. If she couldn't have a proper meal, then she would sleep more, and if she couldn't sleep well, then she would eat more.

But now she neither had a satisfying meal nor a good night's sleep, and she was indeed fatigued. She really missed the sweet embrace of slumber. After all, waking up from a good sleep, fully replenished with energy, was not only comfortable but also refreshing!

However, she didn't bring it up, but as soon as the topic of sleep was mentioned, Xie Cheng's expression became complicated.

"You don't need to sleep anymore. You don't have to sleep like this," he said.

Huh? This can't be right... How can one not rest or sleep?

Lan Xi wanted to explain, but Xie Cheng's next words made her completely forget about saying anything else.

"As for the money, you don't have to repay it. You don't have to sleep with me either. No, you can't sleep with me, and in the future, don't even think about such messy things," Xie Cheng's voice was very solemn. "Money and sleep cannot be equated, and you must promise me not to sleep with anyone for money, understood?"

Lan Xi was overjoyed. "So, if I don't sleep with you, I don't have to repay the money?"

"Yes," Xie Cheng nodded and said in a deep voice, "And I don't want to sleep with you either. Don't even think about it."

"Don't worry! I absolutely won't think about it!"

Lan Xi was elated, but she felt something poking her waist again, causing some discomfort. Unable to bear it, she complained, "Didn't you take the umbrella away? Why is the handle still here?"

Well, forget it. Taking matters into her own hands, she just needed to remove the umbrella herself since Xie Cheng was too lazy to take it away.

But as soon as Lan Xi's hand touched the umbrella handle, Xie Cheng reacted dramatically, almost jumping up in shock.

"What are you doing?!" he exclaimed.

Seemingly astounded, Xie Cheng's voice even changed, "Lan Xi, where are your hands touching?!"

Almost instantly, both of Lan Xi's hands were restrained by Xie Cheng.

"I was just planning to throw your umbrella under the bed. Why would you put an umbrella handle on the bed?"

Lan Xi didn't understand. She just wanted to remove the umbrella from the bed, so why did Xie Cheng's expression become so hostile?

"Luckily, I acted quickly," a moment later, Xie Cheng's face still showed remnants of fear, and he looked at Lan Xi with a complex expression. "Otherwise, if you had thrown the... 'umbrella' off the bed with your strength, I would be in the hospital right now."

But after a while, Xie Cheng cleared his throat and continued, "I had no intention of doing anything with you. It was simply because the things in the soup had overdosed me."

As he spoke, he averted his gaze and stared elsewhere. "In any case, those things you thought about before are impossible."

Xie Cheng paused, then seemed to remember something and asked cautiously, "Is there anything in the guidebook about sleeping?"

Lan Xi thought for a moment. "It says that after sleeping, the man will take responsibility for the woman."

"That's such an outdated mindset!" Xie Cheng's voice sounded perplexing. Then, he spoke seriously, "There's no benefit in sleeping with someone. If you sleep with someone and get paid for it, it's illegal. In modern society, there are plenty of people who are irresponsible after sleeping together. Some men even have diseases, and if you sleep with them, you might get infected, and treating some diseases can be very troublesome. The era of being responsible after sleeping together, which was prevalent in the past, has long been gone for at least a decade..."

This is unbelievable! Lan Xi was genuinely surprised!

Xie Cheng's words were truly enlightening!

Indeed, why didn't she think of it? It's already 2023 on Earth.

The 2003 edition of "The Earthling's Guide to Conquest" is already twenty years old!

It seems like it's time for an update and revision! Look, a lot of the knowledge has become outdated!

"As for those positions you mentioned, forget about them!"

Regarding Xie Cheng's request, Lan Xi felt a bit hesitant. "If I forget about the positions, how am I supposed to sleep? Besides, I enjoy researching various sleeping positions on weekends. I like to innovate in terms of positions..."

Sleeping and eating are equally important for the people of Mu Yi Star, and Earth has so many good things. Lan Xi just bought a reclining sofa that offers many comfortable sleeping positions. She was planning to explore it over the weekend...

Unfortunately, in response to Lan Xi's question, Xie Cheng raised his voice, looking very angry. "Can't you think about something else? What's wrong with not sleeping with someone? Or do you have an addiction in that aspect? Develop some normal interests and hobbies!"

Lan Xi actually had many doubts, but seeing Xie Cheng's expression, she decided to keep quiet.

One who knows the current trends is a wise person. At this point, there's no need to ask anymore. As long as she doesn't sleep with Xie Cheng, everything will be fine! Isn't that easy!

Lan Xi was confident that she could do it.

"You are not allowed to sleep with me or touch me, understood?"

After receiving her repeated assurance, Xie Cheng returned to the floor, clutching the blanket. Lan Xi watched as he laid out the bedding and then lay down on his side. Before long, Xie Cheng fell asleep.

However, Lan Xi...

Lan Xi gazed sadly at the shadows cast by the trees outside the window, her eyes wide open.

Since she promised not to sleep with Xie Cheng!

And now that Xie Cheng was asleep, she couldn't sleep either!

She stared at Xie Cheng, who was sleeping peacefully on the floor, and couldn't help but think that Earth men could be so heartless!

But since she couldn't sleep, Lan Xi didn't idle either. She thought for a moment, took out her phone, and entered a search keyword—

If an Earth male says he doesn't want to sleep with you...

The Earth's internet is truly limitless. After a moment, the answer Lan Xi wanted appeared—

"Because he can't."