The Guide to Conquering Earthlings

Chapter 2

"Princess, Earth should not be within your jurisdiction. Why have you come to Earth on an inspection tour? During my 10 years stationed on Earth, Mu Yi Star has never sent an official diplomatic delegation to visit, let alone start tourism routes. This..."

Sincerity is not a surefire technique.

It's a suicidal technique.

After a heartfelt and sincere speech, Lan Xi soon met the police for the second time.

Fortunately, the Earth liaison from the Mu Yi Star delegation finally arrived late. As an undercover intelligence agent on Earth for many years, he was clearly well adapted to Earth's rules. He quickly laughed and chatted with the Earth police for a few sentences before taking Lan Xi away from the police station.

Now, he found a place and respectfully and cautiously asked Lan Xi about the situation.

Every adult royal of Mu Yi Star is stationed after adulthood to Mu Yi Star's few remote affiliated star systems for tempering. They must establish rule, quell rebellions and pass this test before they can return to Mu Yi Star.

Earth already had well-established systems and natives, and was not supposed to be a tempering ground for Lan Xi.

Lan Xi did intend to leave Earth initially, but...

She stuffed another rice ball into her mouth and mumbled, "I read the guidebook, 'wherever you fall, you must get up from there,' I feel that makes a lot of sense. As a princess, I should set an example for the Mu Yi Star royalty. If I leave Earth unsubjugated, wouldn't that show a lack of backbone?"

Books may not taste good, but Earth does have some tasty stuff.

Finish eating before leaving. Finish eating before leaving.

Lan Xi said, stuffing two more rice balls into her mouth, puffing her cheeks out. "Oh Tuka, pass me the 10 dishes from the back of this revolving stand!"

"Princess, you..." Tuka looked at the pile of empty plates on Lan Xi's table that resembled a small mountain, his expression full of genuine heartache. He shouldn't have brought Lan Xi for conveyor belt sushi, he didn't know she could eat so much...

"Princess, in order to better integrate into Earth for undercover work for Mu Yi Star, I took on an Earth name. I now go by Wang Zhiqiang, just call me Old Wang."

"Also, to better blend in, I married an Earth wife. On Earth, earning money is difficult. I submit all I earn, and Mu Yi Star hasn't given me any expense allowance for 10 years. Even the cosmic communicator we're using, I secretly recharged monthly using my private savings I hid from my wife at the risk of my life..."

Wang Zhiqiang choked up, "Although our communicators are similar to Earth mobiles, I don't dare take it out. If my wife misunderstands I'm cheating, she may break my legs. That's why I couldn't come receive you promptly."

Lan Xi put down her sushi, her mood suddenly solemn.

She had experienced the bad side of Earthlings.

Her sincerity was not respected at all, and did not lead her to success.

As a princess fallen to this extent was already sad, but Lan Xi didn't know Wang Zhiqiang was living an even more woeful nightmare!

"Zhiqiang, to be undercover, you endured humiliation to this extent!"

She looked sympathetically at his protruding belly. 10 years ago, Wang Zhiqiang left as a handsome and slender man. His belly now showed what physical torment and mental humiliation he suffered these 10 years!

She held Wang Zhiqiang's hand, "Don't worry, when I return to Mu Yi Star, I will report your heroic deeds and posthumously bestow you the title of martyr. If I can bring your corpse back, I will arrange a state funeral for you."

"...Princess, are you condemning me to death?" Wang Zhiqiang asked in fright.

"No! Considering how difficult your undercover work on evil Earthlings has been, how could I condemn you?"

Lan Xi looked sympathetically at his belly again, "With a belly so big, it must be ascites right? I studied Earth medicine before, with that belly size, it must be full of ascites. The size likely means you don't have long left..."

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She looked deeply at Wang Zhiqiang, "I understand everything now. With that ascites, you probably don't have much time left..."

Perhaps Lan Xi's piercing insight broke through Wang Zhiqiang's last vestiges of stubbornness and fortitude. He sucked in his belly a little, looking somewhat awkward and ashamed.

"Well, let's not talk about this first Princess. As you can see, it's been very tough for me..."

"I understand. When I conquer Earth, I will capture and punish your Earth wife, and get justice for your 10 years!"

"No need, no need. No need to be so harsh Princess. It would make us Mu Yi people seem petty. I only have one request actually."

"Speak."

Wang Zhiqiang took out a piece of paper from his briefcase, grabbed a pen and started tallying, "You see, I just paid 56 dollars and 40 cents taxi fare to bail you from the police station. This conveyor belt sushi so far cost 568. I'll need to book you a hotel to stay later, estimated 2000 dollars. Can you write an IOU to repay me when you have money, with bank interest rates?"

This was reasonable.

But when Lan Xi thought about earning money, her expression turned serious, "Earning money is so hard. Do you know how to earn money? I heard Earth people say all methods to earn big money are in the 'Criminal Law'. Can you loan me money to buy a copy to research? I'll split the money with you when I earn a lot."

"No no no Princess, you can't just randomly research that. Just read the guidebook our experts wrote!"

"As for earning money, I've got it all planned out for you. In my 10 years undercover, I've accomplished some things. I'm currently the HR director of a large listed company, quite reputable and powerful locally."

"See, I got all your fake ID, license, certificates, diplomas, professional certs done."

As Wang Zhiqiang spoke, he took out stacks of documents and certificates from his briefcase.

"Don't worry, very authentic! Usually won't get caught out! Just in case, I got you all Earth certs!"

He took out another document, "This is your tailored resume based on those certificates. I intentionally put your ancestry in a remote mountainous area, so any strange behavior can be explained as just being an uncouth hillbilly! For your background, also very sympathy-inducing! Earthlings like sympathizing with the weak! This resume will let you succeed faster!"

Wang Zhiqiang waved the documents, "This resume is great. With it, you can legally work and earn money on Earth!"

Lan Xi was filled with respect.

The organization forgot Wang Zhiqiang, but he never forgot the organization for a day!

Quietly working for 10 years, now playing a huge role at this critical juncture!

She looked at the rows of numbers Wang Zhiqiang wrote. She murmured, "If I have money, can I eat lavish meals every day?"

"Of course! There's an Earth saying, employees must have the employee spirit, working your way up! Conquering Earth certainly requires working first!"

So working not only earns money, but represents honorable advancement! As a princess, how much more should she diligently work to prove her status?!

At this moment, Lan Xi made up her mind—

"I will get a job!"

"Honey! Done!"

After Wang Zhiqiang settled the bill, sent Lan Xi to the hotel, and returned to his own car, he called his wife in a panic, "Yes, yes, it's my poor relative from my hometown. I sent her away! Don't worry! She doesn't have much education and is not malicious. I made her sign an IOU. When she earns money from work, she will pay me back!"

"Now I have arranged for her to stay in a hotel invested by our Cheng'an Group. We have a discounted rate and the environment is also good."

"Afterwards, I will also get her a job in our company's logistics department. Let her start working as soon as possible. At least she won't have to worry about food and clothing when she has a salary, and won't keep asking to borrow money from me! I guess she won't stay with us for long anyway. As long as nothing goes wrong during this period, it will be fine."

Wang Zhiqiang rubbed his protruding belly and said sweetly and worriedly: "Right, don't stew pork feet tonight. I've gotten fat from your cooking. This belly can't get any bigger. I'm planning to get a gym membership to lose weight!"

**

The well-fed don't know the hunger of the starving.

While Wang Zhiqiang was planning to diet, Lan Xi was dizzy from hunger again.

Wang Zhiqiang did arrange a decent hotel for her, but he forgot to give her more cash!

So Lan Xi was in the predicament of having no money for food again.

But thinking of how Wang Zhiqiang worked hard for decades and was now at the end of his rope, Lan Xi said she could not bother him again.

Therefore, she decided to study the "Earthling Conquest Guide" carefully again, observe carefully, combine theory with practice, and surely get through her predicament before starting work.

Relying on others is not as good as relying on oneself!

"When traveling or on business trips to Earth, it is recommended to try the buffets on Earth. Most hotels have buffet restaurants. Trying the buffet is definitely worthwhile!"

Lan Xi read while salivating.

Wasn't she in a hotel?!

So there was a buffet here?!

What delicious things were there?

But the expert only described the wonders of the buffet in the guide, and did not write how to actually eat the buffet, only briefly sharing his experience:

"There are usually no waiters at the buffet. You have to rely on yourself. When taking food, don't care about others' looks, just be calm and composed."

"Remember one thing - take boldly!"

Lan Xi pursed her lips with a solemn expression as she entered the elevator.

It was time to find out where the buffet was.

But at this time it was probably dinner time, and the elevator was full of people, packed tightly.

Lan Xi was preoccupied with thoughts about eating, when she inadvertently glanced and discovered something unusual.

The middle-aged earthling man in front of her was surreptitiously putting his hand into the backpack of the elderly woman to his left front. Then, taking advantage of the cover of his own umbrella, he swiftly pulled out her wallet from the backpack.

Soon, the man walked out of the elevator after arriving in the lobby.

Lan Xi followed him out.

She quickly stepped forward and grabbed the man's wrist.

The middle-aged man was stunned for a moment, and tried to break free quickly, but was simply no match for Lan Xi.

As long as she could eat her fill, the Mu Yi Star people had immense strength. The purer the royal bloodline, the stronger their power level.

"What were you doing just now?"

Lan Xi thought she was being friendly, but the earthling's attitude was much worse: "I earn money through my own ability. I didn't earn it off of you, so what business is it of yours?"

How could it not be Lan Xi's business? To turn someone else's money into his own in just a minute, she wanted to learn this money-making skill too!

She increased her grip on his hand and glared fiercely: "It's none of my business, but you have to teach me how you did it!"

The man was stunned for a moment: "If I tell you, will you let me go?"

"Mhm."

The man's eyes shifted as he sized up the situation. After a moment, he lowered his voice: "It's very simple. Remember, when doing this, rely only on yourself. Don't expect anyone to help you. When taking things, don't care about others' looks, be calm and composed, act more naturally. Most importantly, you must take boldly!"

As the man spoke, Lan Xi's eyes widened bigger and bigger.

Wasn't this... wasn't this the essence of the buffet that the expert wrote?

"So this is the buffet?"

The man was taken aback, then nodded: "To put it more elegantly, I guess you could say that."

Lan Xi suddenly understood.

Of course, with money, she could buy anything. No wonder the guide said you could eat everything at the buffet, it had everything! Buffet, buffet, wasn't it just adding meals after taking money for yourself!

"You just find someone rich, the richer the better, rip them off in one go, and you can eat and drink lavishly for a week. For women, money is usually in their bags. For men, wallets are usually in their pants pockets. If there's no wallet, their phone works too, can still be exchanged for a lot of money."

Lan Xi released the man's hand and solemnly said:

"Thank you, teacher!"

"..."

**

Lan Xi felt she was not unworthy as a princess. Relying on her own intelligence, she quickly figured out how to eat at the buffet!

No wonder she couldn't succeed before. Turns out getting others' money required self-service.

Slogans are useless if you don't take action!

As if Heaven was helping Lan Xi, a gold mine came knocking on the door.

She saw the familiar Rolls-Royce pulling up at the hotel entrance.

Then Xie Cheng walked out and headed straight into the hotel, towards the elevator.

No time to delay, Lan Xi also went ahead and waited by the elevator.

The moment Xie Cheng walked to the elevator and stood waiting, Lan Xi swiftly put her hand into his pants pocket.

He naturally gave her a shocked look.

Don't care about others' looks, stay calm and composed.

Lan Xi returned his gaze like this, following the teachings.

After brief stunnedness, Xie Cheng frowned, and moved to reach for his own pocket.

Lan Xi stopped his actions first with her other hand:

She smiled, "No need to trouble yourself, don't be polite, I'll self-serve and help myself."

Author's note: Lan Xi: Such cunning earthlings!

Xie Cheng: Such a cunning woman!