The Guide to Conquering Earthlings

Chapter 24

The sunset on Earth was beautiful, but beauty is always fleeting. In a short while, the sun completely hid behind the hills and forests. All the tired birds returned to their nests as the sky darkened and the mountain wind grew stronger. Faint rumbles of thunder already echoed through the vast valley, and the rain that had already shown enough courtesy also arrived late. Soon, it started to drizzle down.

Although somewhat reluctant, Lan Xi still followed Xie Cheng down the mountain.

This time Xie Cheng finally believed Lan Xi’s words and brought an umbrella.

The rain this time was not heavy. Lan Xi held the umbrella and took a rain walk with Xie Cheng. She actually felt a different sense of taste and even hoped the road would go on forever so she could keep walking with Xie Cheng like this.

No wonder Xie Cheng used to love taking walks in the rain!

However, when they were halfway down, Lan Xi felt hungry.

Wan Yan had told her she didn’t need to bring anything and that they would prepare ingredients and have a nice camping picnic. But they didn’t even get to camp in the end. Lan Xi was left behind by Wei Yijun and hadn’t eaten anything for half a day after hiking and walking. Her energy was almost depleted.

When they finally reached the parking lot, Lan Xi couldn’t hold it anymore. “Xie Cheng, I’m starving.”

She was still deliberating on what words to use to coax Xie Cheng into taking her for a meal. But she heard Xie Cheng casually say, “What do you want to eat?”

Lan Xi’s eyes lit up. “Anything’s fine?”

“Yeah.”

“Then I want to eat buffet!”

“Which one?”

“Anywhere!”

Xie Cheng took out his phone and looked at several famous hotel buffet restaurants nearby, picking one and asking, “Hua Sheng Hotel buffet, is that okay?”

Although Lan Xi had said anywhere was fine, Xie Cheng still asked for her opinion in line with his gentlemanly principles.

However, Lan Xi, who had just said anywhere was fine, now showed a difficult expression and awkwardly said, “Can we go somewhere else?”

Xie Cheng didn’t get annoyed. After all, once they drove back downtown, there were many buffet restaurants with good reviews in several commercial districts. “Then, Yi Ran Hotel buffet?”

“Not this one either. Um, let’s go somewhere else.”

...

To Xie Cheng’s surprise, after he had gone through and named a dozen buffet restaurants, Lan Xi, who had said anywhere was fine, didn’t like any of them.

“Why are none of these okay?”

Facing Xie Cheng’s questioning, Lan Xi hemmed and hawed at first. Later she just kept quiet and looked at him pitifully.

Xie Cheng felt there was nothing more to say.

Never mind, what was the point of arguing with Lan Xi? She was a pitiful person herself. Not only did she have a tragic background and was coveted by others, but she also had autism and was clueless about normal social relationships.

The troubles could only increase a bit.

Xie Cheng sighed and looked for restaurants further out in other commercial districts. “What about Nan Lin Hotel? Is that okay?”

Nan Lin Hotel was far from the mainstream commercial district. It was relatively less crowded. It was also the only old seven-star restaurant in Rong City. Therefore, its food was more upscale, with prices that stood out from the rest.

Indeed, this time Lan Xi did not refuse again. Instead, her eyes shone brightly with excitement as she repeatedly said, “This one, this one is good!”

Xie Cheng felt somewhat speechless. Now he knew that this Lan Xi was just picking the expensive ones.

But it was understandable. According to Lan Xi’s income, she normally would not be able to casually dine at such restaurants. The lesson of the bill being put on his tab last time must have taught her to behave.

Now that Xie Cheng had taken the initiative to pay, she must be trying to cunningly follow him to some nice places and leave some beautiful memories behind, which was normal.

As Xie Cheng drove, he involuntarily thought of Lan Xi’s bold confession and actions at sunset earlier.

Lan Xi did have huge obstacles in social relationships. She did not know how to convey her feelings tactfully at all. Even Xie Cheng, who was somewhat mentally prepared for her behavioral patterns, had to admit he was quite startled.

It wasn’t that no one had confessed to him before, but really no one had done it in such a reckless, direct way like Lan Xi.

Normally, it would be somewhat offensive, but considering that Lan Xi was clueless about interpersonal relationships and clearly harbored deep affection for him in her heart, Xie Cheng decided to forgive her this once.

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Fortunately, Lan Xi had been very well-behaved after going down the mountain under his guidance. Through his education, she did not have any more extreme behavior.

However, her inner love for him seemed uncontrollable. As Xie Cheng drove, he listened to Lan Xi praise him all the way, from “Your shoulders are so wide” and “You have so much hair” to “Your eyelashes are so long.” “You look so good in this outfit,” “I really admire your sitting posture”...

Although some compliments were clearly far-fetched and preposterous, considering it was Lan Xi, Xie Cheng felt it was acceptable.

After all, what tactful compliments could you expect from someone with the social skills of a elementary schooler? Children don’t know how to hide their feelings, so they just say it straight out. But that’s better because it’s more honest. After all, these were all words from her heart.

Besides, right now, as Lan Xi looked at him with eyes full of passion and spoke those blunt words—

“Xie Cheng, you’re so good. Can you take me out for buffets again next time?”

She really has no experience with fine things. She was so excited just because he took her to a buffet. It showed that the men she usually interacted with, apart from coveting her beauty, were completely undeserving.

It was quite pitiful indeed.

It wasn’t a big requirement anyway, just a meal. Xie Cheng nodded.

As expected, Lan Xi revealed a deeply moved expression, prompting Xie Cheng to remind her, “It’s just a meal. Don't treat it like some great favor. In the future when facing things like this, you have to react more calmly.”

He glanced at Lan Xi’s face then averted his gaze. “Moreover, looking like you do, if you really want to, you will naturally not lack people willing to treat you to meals in the future. Don't reveal your emotions so easily every time. If you meet an improper man, you’ll just play into their hands. You have to accept favors from men as a matter of course. Of course, you can come ask me whether the man is good or bad.”

Lan Xi seemed to take the lesson to heart, like she was earnestly remembering it down. Only then did Xie Cheng breathe a sigh of relief.

However, just when Xie Cheng felt things were back on track, Lan Xi struck him with another heavy blow—

This blow happened after they entered the buffet restaurant.

Xie Cheng knew the restaurant's dishes were exceptionally high-end, but...

He watched Lan Xi, who had already cleaned ten plates, still feeling somewhat shocked.

...

Lan Xi was very happy today. She felt medicine suited to the disease indeed worked well. She had praised Xie Cheng all the way, so he brought her to such a nice restaurant!

A large part of the Mu Yi Star people's energy came from food. The more aristocratic one was, the more energy one could store. On Earth, in layman's terms, that was equivalent to a larger appetite.

Of course, on Mu Yi Star, energy supplements only came in nutritional fluids, but Earth was different and had all kinds of delicious food.

Lan Xi excitedly ate more than ten plates. She loved crab claws the most. She would rush over like the wind whenever a waiter brought over a large plate of crab claws, filling up her entire plate.

However, even so, the efficiency was still somewhat low.

In the end, Lan Xi thought about it and decided she might as well go all out. As soon as the waiter brought over a new whole plate of crab claws, Lan Xi simply hugged the entire plateful and walked away.

“Miss, this is...”

Not only was Xie Cheng shocked, but the restaurant staff were also clearly stunned.

It seemed they only recovered from the shock when Lan Xi carried away two large plates of crab claws and sashimi in both hands.

Some staff came to Lan Xi’s side with awkward expressions and kindly reminded her, “Our restaurant owner is very particular about not wasting food. So if there are too many leftover dishes in your buffet plate, you may be charged extra...”

Lan Xi felt wronged. “I won’t waste it. I can finish them.” She looked up at the staff. “It’s not even enough. You’ll bring more after I finish eating these, right?”

“...”

This was what Lan Xi said and indeed what Lan Xi did.

Xie Cheng gaped at her as she emptied three newly served plates of crab legs in what seemed like a blink of an eye. Before he and Lan Xi, piles of empty plates were already stacked high on their table - her appalling appetite had thrown the restaurant into disarray as servers frantically tried to replenish the buffet spread that Lan Xi had cleared out. They were so busy that they did not even have time to clear the empty plates.

At first, when Lan Xi had just five empty plates stacked in front of her, Xie Cheng still tried to dissuade her. When there were ten plates, he struggled in vain to salvage the situation. But now with some twenty to thirty plates stacked up, Xie Cheng was numb to it all and had given up...

He felt an urge to bury his face in that stack of plates - that way he could hide from the stares coming from all directions. The only comfort was that there were not many diners in the restaurant.

Xie Cheng did not even dare pick up his chopsticks anymore. He felt that Lan Xi had already eaten enough food for two hundred people with the money for two. If he continued eating with her, it would be criminal.

Lan Xi was truly an eating machine.

How could she eat so much?

She ate with her head down throughout, not even talking to Xie Cheng...

Seeing her gnawing chicken wings, Xie Cheng did not know how to react.

...

After making rounds devouring plates of seafood and steaks, Lan Xi helped herself to piles of desserts again, clearing the restaurant like a swarm of locusts...

In Lan Xi’s wake, no food survived.

In his daze, Xie Cheng felt as if

he did not bring Lan Xi alone for the meal but an entire tour group.

As a self-preservation mechanism, when Xie Cheng walked numbly out of the restaurant later, he felt as if he had buried all memories from ten minutes ago.

But dead memories often come back to life to haunt you. As Xie Cheng started the car, he could not help but recall the probing, animal-gazing look the server gave him when he went to pay the bill...

In fact, Xie Cheng frequented this restaurant a lot. He loved the ambience and the food. But looking at things now...

He could never dine at this restaurant again.

Just as he thought this, as if reading his mind, Lan Xi heaved a regretful sigh:

“I guess we can’t come to this restaurant again.”

Despite the earlier embarrassment, at least she seemed to be slightly self-aware with what she just said.

“So you know it’s shameful too?” Xie Cheng could not help but prod. “Couldn’t you have behaved more gracefully just now? Was it necessary to make sure we can never show our faces here again?”

He wanted Lan Xi to know that even if the food was delicious but unavailable in the future, it was not necessary to binge eat this way. He could always bring her here for another meal - there was no need to eat like there was no tomorrow.

But to Xie Cheng’s bafflement, Lan Xi threw him a look: “I’m not ashamed at all, why should I be?”

Xie Cheng was flabbergasted: “You ate so much, how are you not ashamed?”

“I’m not,” Lan Xi shook her head righteously. “The essence of buffets is to eat as much as you can, isn’t it? I was just following the rules.”

“You’re so shameless. Then why do you feel we can’t come back again?”

“Because I’d probably be blacklisted,” Lan Xi grinned. “I have extensive experience.”

She glanced at Xie Cheng and added proudly: “Extensive experience being blacklisted by buffet restaurants.”

Lan Xi then heaved a regretful sigh: “Usually after eating at a buffet restaurant once, if I try going back again, they won’t let me in.”

“...” A few unsavory thoughts crossed Xie Cheng’s mind. “So that’s why when I suggested other buffet restaurants, you didn’t want to go. It was because...”

Lan Xi nodded. “Yup, because I’ve already eaten at those restaurants once.”

“And got blacklisted?”

“Yup,” Lan Xi said indignantly. “Anyway if I try going back a second time they won’t let me in.”

“...” Xie Cheng did not know what else to say. He recalled the list of buffet restaurant names Lan Xi had rejected when he suggested them, feeling extremely shocked. “So you brought calamity to every buffet restaurant around here?”

Thinking about the number of restaurants he had named, Xie Cheng could not help but be in awe for a moment: “Do you spend your entire salary on food?”

“Nope.” Lan Xi refused to admit defeat. “I save a lot of money too.”

Xie Cheng had only casually asked. But hearing Lan Xi’s reply, he became serious: “So where does your meal money come from? Is it men treating you to meals?”

With Lan Xi's looks, it was natural that men would offer her free meals. But acting so foolishly, what if she got tricked into something for a free buffet meal? That was Xie Cheng's main concern.

Sure enough, as expected, after some thought, Lan Xi nodded.

“Different men?”

“Yup!”

Xie Cheng’s expression darkened.

Oblivious to Xie Cheng’s unhappiness, Lan Xi was rather proud: “They took the initiative to treat me, it was free.”

“Some things others take the initiative to offer may not really be free. Haven’t you heard this saying before? ‘Gifts of fate are destined to be costly’ - free lunches don’t fall from the sky! After treating you to buffet meals, did they make other requests?”

“Nope!” Upholding a factual attitude, Lan Xi replied honestly, “Except for the free buffet meals, they didn’t have any other requests, really.”

She thought hard to ensure no details were missed: “Mainly after eating at a restaurant, when I try going back again, the manager, strangely always a man, would enthusiastically come out looking very awkward. He'd apologetically tell me that his restaurant can no longer accommodate me for buffet meals. But as an expression of regret, he would give me a voucher for another restaurant's buffet meal for me. ‘Please kindly accept our invitation to dine at this other restaurant,’ that was how they always put it...”

Xie Cheng was taken aback. With slightly furrowed brows, he looked at Lan Xi: “What you mean is... they gave you buffet vouchers for other restaurants?”

“Yup! If not for the vouchers they gave me, I wouldn't even have known there were so many buffet restaurants in Rong City! As for the trap you mentioned, nope! At first I also wondered if the vouchers were fake, but when I used them, I could eat for real!”

Speaking of this, Lan Xi grew excited: “And after eating at another restaurant, when I try going back again, their manager would also come out and give me a buffet voucher for yet another restaurant!”

“...”

Xie Cheng finally understood... he understood very clearly now...

“But when are we going for another buffet meal?”

Another meal?

Absolutely no more meals ever again.

Oblivious to Xie Cheng's thoughts, Lan Xi was still basking in her post-meal elation. The rush of energy just now would keep her going for days.

She ambled lazily behind Xie Cheng towards his car in the parking lot.

As this restaurant was not located downtown but in a more secluded area, and also more costly than others, customer traffic was sparse with just a handful of equally costly luxury cars parked sporadically in the lot.

Lan Xi had been sauntering cockily, feeling invincible with her filled tummy brimming with energy!

That is, until... until she spotted a flash of yellowish-white fur darting out suddenly from behind a pillar in the parking lot.

Oh my god!

As the people of Earth say, always be vigilant and humble, who would have thought that the arch nemesis would appear just when she was feeling smug and invincible earlier!

Scared stiff, Lan Xi nearly leapt three feet into the air!

Help! Could anyone tell her why on earth there would be cats here!

Based on Wang Zhiqiang’s description, Earth cats were extremely frightening! Masquerading in an adorable guise, their combat abilities were still unmatched. To achieve their aims, they could cling onto you for days or nights!

As princess of the Mu Yi Planet, she could not lose to the arch nemesis like this on Earth!

Therefore...

When encountering the nemesis, first take cover, then order an Earthling to battle on the frontline, in the bid to drain the nemesis’ energy, buying time for herself to observe weaknesses before launching an annihilating strike!

If... if Xie Cheng was to valiantly sacrifice himself in this battle, Lan Xi agonized, she would definitely confer him a posthumous honor!

Lan Xi thought this way and rushed towards Xie Cheng who was in front of her.

......

Xie Cheng walked with effort trying to restrain his emotions. He felt that the drama tonight had already reached its peak.

Since they were already full from the meal, they should see this through to the end and send her back to the employee dormitory.

Xie Cheng decided to handle Lan Xi in a professional manner, then hurry home to sleep.

Other than learning how to ingratiate herself and act entitled, Lan Xi didn't learn anything else. The buffet incident reminded Xie Cheng again that he should set clear boundaries and keep his distance, which was more appropriate.

For this reason, Xie Cheng quickened his pace slightly, not intentionally slowing down to wait for Lan Xi walking behind him. He walked in the empty parking lot with Lan Xi slowly following behind him.

However, when they were close to his car, Lan Xi who was sauntering behind him earlier suddenly rushed forward. Before Xie Cheng could react, she hugged him tightly, extremely afraid and nervous as she buried herself in Xie Cheng’s embrace.

Xie Cheng was shocked, but soon after, his emotions became very complicated, especially when Lan Xi’s furry head was pressed so warmly against his chest.

What was she afraid of?

Other than an orange cat that had walked by them proudly meowing earlier, there was nothing else in the parking lot.

Shortly after though, Xie Cheng understood the answer to this question -- she must be afraid that he would leave.

Oh dear.

Xie Cheng knew that Lan Xi most likely didn’t have the cunning to deliberately act this way. She lacked social awareness and a sense of propriety. Therefore, her actions now in hugging him were simply acting on impulse like a child.

However...this further revealed her dependence on him.

After he had driven over to pick her up when she was abandoned and patiently took her to eat at the buffet, the warmth Xie Cheng showed Lan Xi, who seldom received warmth without any motives previously, had greatly moved her. This was why she showed such strong reluctance to part with him in a hug before leaving.

Xie Cheng should have pushed her away, but when he thought about Lan Xi’s painful life experiences, he felt a little pity for her.

She definitely didn’t want to separate from him. She definitely needed him too much.

But of course that was impossible. He had to send her back to the dormitory immediately. Xie Cheng even felt that in the future, he should still keep a certain distance. However, tonight...

Xie Cheng thought that he would make an exception to allow this pitiful person to hug him for a little longer tonight. After all, this was a kind of magnanimous act of charity.